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Recent reviews

• on A young software programmer builds a loving avatar, which is the complete opposite of his personality. When this avatar frees a beautiful woman from her captors, embezzes a casino, and circumvents national security, he decides it’s time to cross the border: just have to try not to get killed on the way.

  Richiev, este avatar es una especie de virus. No tiene la misma estructura moral de su creador; me lo imagino una suma de rebeldes y mujeriegos, ladrones encantadores y magos de la estafa. Y usaría todos los recursos de una…

• on A young software programmer builds a loving avatar, which is the complete opposite of his personality. When this avatar frees a beautiful woman from her captors, embezzes a casino, and circumvents national security, he decides it’s time to cross the border: just have to try not to get killed on the way.

  Odie, me imagino a este avatar conectado permanentemente a la red, buscando mujeres desesperadas para conversar. Una de estas mujeres está prisionera. El avatar logra burlar a sus captores, tal vez cruce llamadas o envíe falsos mensajes.

• on In the middle of Nazi Germany, a shy girl and her imaginary monster try to rescue her father, who has disappeared.

  Gracias Briancc!

• on A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, stop construction of the mall and save the old fountain, before the end of Independence Day.

  Well, Odie, maybe Action is wrong. Besides the motivation is not enough, another detail; it must be more personal than community water. Here, an emotional charge unites the protagonist with the destiny of the source. Maybe he was born there…

• on A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, stop construction of the mall and save the old fountain, before the end of Independence Day.

  Hola Richiev, si, lo sé. Quise variar el clásico principio "Cuando sucede..." y darle un enfoque diferente. Hay riesgos de que no resulte, ja ja! saludos!

• on A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.

  That is the place for poetry. and subtlety. there may be great drama there. The hero's journey is to overcome his own emotional limitation. It would help to dress the character in a trait that places him at the start…

• on In the middle of Nazi Germany, a shy girl and her imaginary monster try to rescue her father, who has disappeared.

  Gracias Jeff.

• on A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.

  Well, let's not forget that there must be a balance between goal, need, and obstacle. Here it is not entirely clear whether or not there is an equilibrium. What is the need: "you must lower your emotional guard." The objective?…

• on In the middle of Nazi Germany, a shy girl and her imaginary monster try to rescue her father, who has disappeared.

  With the support of stereotypes, I was able to advance part of the story.

• on A man is accused by a fortune teller of being guilty of a series of crimes, which have not yet been committed; and what seemed like a bad joke turns into a nightmare when the police arrive looking for him, considering him the main suspect in a murder. Now he must flee to prove his innocence, before another death occurs.

  Hola! Buena observación!

• on When she discovers that she let in a strange being in the guise of her dead son, she will be forced to make a decision, before the damage is greater.

  Faltaría un desencadenante. "Presionada entre un sacerdote inquisitivo y sus recuerdos de madre, deberá tomar una decisión con respecto al retorno de su hijo muerto, antes que alguien más lo haga".

• on A man is accused by a fortune teller of being guilty of a series of crimes, which have not yet been committed; and what seemed like a bad joke turns into a nightmare when the police arrive looking for him, considering him the main suspect in a murder. Now he must flee to prove his innocence, before another death occurs.

  Hola Richiev, gracias por tu lectura! veo 2 ausencias: 1) el descreimiento del contador cuando recibe el vaticinio, que me parece importante porque plantea una visión vital, y 2) que es una serie de asesinatos, lo que significa que otro…

• on REVISED: After WW III, a grieving journeyman electrician trapped in a secret underground AI lab, discovers two other survivors. Two arch enemies, both soliciting his help and holding the key to his escape, redemption and the future of humanity.

  Hola! definitivamente me siento más cómodo con el segundo logline. En el primero no me quedaba claro la rivalidad de los sobrevivientes, que se aclara un poco, en el segundo. Dudas: por qué es valiente? por qué está atrapado? por…

• on when a young woman confess to a murder she didn’t commit, a police detective must, on a deadline, do everything she can to solve the mystery or else let a murderer go free, and send an innocent to prison.

  Hola! Cuál sería el misterio que debe resolver el detective? La joven no se declaró culpable? o hay algo que hace pensar al detective que ella miente?

• on When the mysterious knight who slaughtered his village?returns, a distrustful werewolf reluctantly teams with a rebellious human princess to track the knight down before he starts a war between humans and fantasy creatures.

  Yo iría más lejos. Un desconfiado hombre lobo y una princesa deben rastrear a un caballero antes que éste inicie una guerra.

• on A struggling writer’s fictional creations hold an intervention when real life responsibilities threaten to make him walk away from his dreams

  Creo estar conforme con el logline, no le encontré defectos, no sé si agregarle algo pueda cambiar la línea. Pero que sea un Drama y no una Comedia me sacó de foco. No encuentro la nota dramática. A no ser…

• on Un fotógrafo, adicto a las carreras de galgos, se arruina. Su familia lo abandona, y él decide convertirse en mendigo en compañía de un galgo, aunque en realidad es una vieja bicicleta. Tendrá que expiar, sus errores del pasado.

  Al leer el logline original, no entendí bien la historia (claro , el traductor hizo de las suyas) sin embargo, creo que el logline debe ser lo más funcional posible, y a veces hay que quitarle esos detalles que tanto…

• on “Afectada por la trágica muerte de su hijo, busca sanar su mente en el pueblo de su infancia, para descubrir que ella no es la única visita inesperada.”

  Affected by the tragic death of her son, she seeks to heal her mind in the town of her childhood, only to discover that she is not the only unexpected visitor.

• on When a film crew is ungrateful on set, a fed up crafty serves up the ultimate revenge.

  Coincido con la revisión anterior. Qué es un "astuto " en la industria del cine?