M E Lucas

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
4 reviews

Brought together in the shadow of teleportation and world faith, neither Rupert nor Levi thought to save humanity; one must, before the other does.

June 14, 2013

on Brought together in the shadow of teleportation and world faith, neither Rupert nor Levi thought to save humanity; one must, before the other does.

Richiev / dpg I see your point, I was so wrapped in telling what happens without telling what happens! Looking back I think I've written a Tagline not a Logline! Thanks
on Some old-styled black magician migrants are suspected for the mysterious death of a boy, and their houses burnt down; but soon these good people turn back to life as the undead due to their powers and are hungry for revenge from the entire town.

Richiev has nailed this, Spiritwriter, it's too long and confusing. It does sound intriguing, but needs a lot of work. Along with the points already raised, are the migrants black, or do they perform black-magic? If you can get it…
on While waiting for a mechanic, a prize fighting luchador is forced to defend his broken down van from a wild chupacabra.

Interesting Tor, but I'm split 50/50 with this one, as I do not know what a luchador or a chupcabra actually are. This may a) tempt me to find out - in which case I could be hooked, or b)…
on A lonely teenager becomes romantically involved with a girl who recently lost her sister, after he fabricates the death of his twin brother, who abandoned him to attend a soccer-team summer camp.

I agree with why.kim, "who abandoned ..." just confuses the sentence, it also shortens the Logline for the better. "his twin brother's death" may read better than "the death of his twin brother" - makes it even shorter!

Brought together in the shadow of teleportation and world faith, neither Rupert nor Levi thought to save humanity; one must, before the other does.