Lonboy

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
6 reviews

When a young Farmer takes a job for a Fascisto-Capitalist Company he uses his position as spokesman to incite a revolution.

February 8, 2014

on Six months after the outbreak of a lethal pathogen, a man must travel across the country to a potential safe zone with his infected father and a young girl who possibly holds a cure.

Maybe you can make the audience think the little girl is the cure when in reality she is the carrier of the pathogen? Your idea has been done so many times. Thinking up a unique twist or unexpected direction will…
on After his partner swindles him out of his fortune, a selfish real-estate tycoon and his dysfunctional family move in with his Mexican gardener and his family, and then he seeks the gardener's help in proving his former partner's crime.

I over looked the first line. You might want to drop the "After" and replace it with "When" " When a selfish real-estate tycoon is swindled by his partner, he teams up with his Mexcican gardner to recover his fortune"…
on After his partner swindles him out of his fortune, a selfish real-estate tycoon and his dysfunctional family move in with his Mexican gardener and his family, and then he seeks the gardener's help in proving his former partner's crime.

The logline isn't working. "After his partner" Who is he? This is not the best way to start. You might want to start with your main character and not his partner. Try " After a selfish real-estate tycoon is swindled…
on "After a struggling writer’s sister is kidnapped by deranged script writer, he’s given 24 hours to create the perfect logline for the maniacs new screenplay, or his sister dies!"

I really like the steaks at play here, it sounds like a classic Hollywood thriller. With so much forward momentum will there be a point to fully develop the Characters? Maybe the Antagonist is a former Hollywood exec or failed…
on When a young Farmer takes a job for a Fascisto-Capitalist Company he uses his position as spokesman to incite a revolution.

I've been thinking about this for awhile and maybe a revolution isn't the best result to serve the character, Revolutions are World encompassing. I don't know how I'm going to execute this properly and keep it the personal story I…
on A notoriously misogynistic 1940?s Texas police sheriff, awakens from a coma to discover that he is being haunted by the spirits of history?s most infamous women, who are on a mission to alter his chauvinistic ways during which they assist him in solving criminal cases.

I like the possibilities of humor with this idea. It's going to have to be pretty wacky or else why would the worlds most infamous women even bother?

When a young Farmer takes a job for a Fascisto-Capitalist Company he uses his position as spokesman to incite a revolution.