Lachlan Huddy

Recent reviews

• on When a grieving medic with deadly powers resists induction into the horsemen of the apocalypse, she must battle the remaining three in order to save the world.

  Hey Nicholas. That's great, then, and I congratulate you because I think that's the best concept I've read about on this site and one of the coolest stories I've heard about in ages. However you decide to run with the…

• on When a grieving medic with deadly powers resists induction into the horsemen of the apocalypse, she must battle the remaining three in order to save the world.

  Sorry to muddy the waters, but I have to disagree about the premise. The logline certainly works, but what hooked me about the original was that she was being pressured by a group of (also superpowered, I'm assuming) fundamentalists. This,…

• on When a Newly recruited police officer discovers that his younger sister is a serial killer, he does everything to keep anyone from finding out.

  First, the technical: change "Newly recruited" to "newly-recruited" and kill "that" since it's not really necessary and you want to omit needless words. Regarding "he does everything to keep anyone from finding out", I'm not sure about it. It's clunky…

• on When Charles Aden, hotshot real estate attorney, is sent by his development firm to investigate the disappearance of Sam Carey, a key player in a lucrative real estate deal, it is business as usual. But when Charles discovers Sam?s dead, frozen body along with disturbing evidence that ties his firm to the murder, he realizes that his assignment is anything but routine. Charles Aden hunts a big city killer who hides his crimes in the snow-covered secrets of Almiiitey?Maine?s smallest small town.

  Definitely not a logline. More of a mini-synopsis. This needs serious trimming, and the way to do that is to skin it to the bone. So, we've got Charles as the protagonist. We've got the discovery of the body as…

• on When the FBI is implicated in a Mafia murder with two weeks to trial, a by-the-book female agent must go rogue to protect the only witness, an esteemed professor and alleged former hitman that she can?t trust ? and can?t help falling in love with.

  For me this is too opaque. In what way is the FBI implicated in the Mafia murder? Do you mean that it looks as if someone in the FBI is in bed with the mob and this is what spurs…

• on When a teenage hitchhiker under the protection of an obsessed tracker is kidnapped by the same pack of werewolves he is hunting, his only chance to resuce her requires him to suppress his hatred and form an alliance with a rival pack.

  Nitpicks out of the way first: I think "teenage" in this context should be "teenaged" - but not completely sure. "Recuse", obviously, needs to be "rescue". "Chance to rescue" would better-serve the line as "chance of rescuing", but that's personal…

• on An international smuggling maverick risks everything on an project that could catapult him into the big leagues, if his competition doesn't catch up with him first..

  I agree; more specificity with regard to the specifics of the job is paramount, particularly considering that this sounds like a wonderfully nuts-and-bolts caper film with lots of authentic (and specific) logistical detail. You could possibly sacrifice the "catapult him…

• on A secret ill-fated love between a Native-American man and young impressionable Irish woman is torn apart by a grave murder and an ever impending civil rising. ★ Accepted

  The bedrock concept has been done to death but I think the execution - a Native American man and an Irish woman, in Ireland around the time of the uprising - gives it enough freshness to make this worthwhile. Technically…

• on Back in his small hometown, a famous psychiatrist turned writer has to challenge his beliefs and rationality while struggling with his past demons when he's asked to work with a patient and his long lost friend, Tracy who's charged with murder but claims that her friend time-traveled.

  Whoa, bit of an info-dump here. I sympathise with the desire to get as much across as possible but I think for the sake of clarity and brevity you could lose some length without losing impact. How important is the…

• on After witnessing her parents slaughter, Aewyn escapes the castle grounds to find her fathers allies and take back her kingdom and saving her people.

  On a technical level, this could be shorter; you could leave out the part about escaping the castle grounds and skip straight to finding her father's allies. And please, you must must must guard against errors. In this context "parents"…

• on A woman travels through parallel universes and discovers different lives, loves and losses. Now she must choose: should she stay in the life she might have had, or return to the one she has?

  Nice concept, and you get all of the important information across. You could tighten this up, though - get it all in a single line and not lose anything. It could be as simple as, "A woman, traveling through parallel…

• on An alcoholic blues player sells his soul to the devil for fame and money.

  For sure, Faustian Pacts are all about metaphor, but before you script this I think you ought to dive down into what you're really trying to say with this story, and why you want to say it, why it resonates…

• on An alcoholic blues player sells his soul to the devil for fame and money.

  Faustian Pact stories can be great but they can be really by-the-numbers, too, because it's such an old story. I love them but they need to be handled correctly. My concern concept-wise is that this - sell your soul for…

• on A low life in a Mob family decides he should be the god father. He gets sent on a mission with his best friend and mentor to go kill a opposing god fauther's daughter but after his best friend dies he spares her life. They meet up at a resturaunt and fall in love and plan to take over the family themselves.

  First, too many spelling and grammatical errors. These can't be allowed to sneak into a logline; it's too short and they stand out far too much. "Low life" should be "lowlife". "Godfather" is one word and I'd capitalise it to…

• on A young couple find themselves stranded in the Great Karoo desert only to find refuge in the forgotten Victorian village that is haunted by more than just ghosts.

  It's a pleasure. Good luck with it.

• on A young couple find themselves stranded in the Great Karoo desert only to find refuge in the forgotten Victorian village that is haunted by more than just ghosts.

  This is nice and ominous, and I like how you let us know that it's both a ghost story and more in just a few words. For me it sets up an immediate desire to know more, and that's no…

• on When a young, money-driven, surrogate mother finds out that both of the biological parents were killed in an accident, she is left to decide wether or not to keep the child.

  I reckon the concept has legs; lots of room for character drama and Big Questions. My concern is: is there an outward journey to drive the action and ultimately catalyze the surrogate's decision while she ponders to keep or not…

• on Based on the young adult CHERUB novels; Two young agents are sent to New Zealand to help bring a gang leader behind bars.

  As I say, I think it'd be illuminating to include the reasoning behind sending such young kids into such a dangerous situation, and the way to do that is mention that their plan is to get close to the gang…

• on Stolen by mad scientists, Henrietta?s telekinetic brain must reconcile with her blossoming body to defeat a cyborg octopus and win back her friends.

  How could you not love a concept this lofty? :) Are you really writing this or just testing the waters? Because I'd love to see this one up on screen. Logline-wise, it's hard to see how it could be improved;…

• on Homeless man trying to make friends with people, when all his attempts are not successful, and he is heavily beaten, he builds a rocket to launch himself into space.

  A logline is brief so errors in sentence construction are glaring in a space so confined. As it is this would need to read, "A homeless man tries to make friends with people, but when all his attempts are unsuccessful…