keithrafalko

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1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
9 reviews

Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

August 22, 2014

on Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

I wish my other projects didnt have legs because the agency approved this and not all the others. Sorry just could not give out as much info as people would like.
on Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

Thanks everyone. The FBI does not work or able to tie in. No back story in pilot at all, it is all about the arc. Our agent and manager approved of the pilot and the series and are excited, just…
on Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

It immediately starts off by him showing his violent side in display of killing a long time friend. It then leads to show his soft side with his family. From there he is off into the daily mob business meetings…
on Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

I feel this is too long for a logline but throwing it out there. "A violent NYC mafia hitman faces challenges within his own faction as he maintains his daily life of being a loyal loving family man, and all…
on Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

All great feedback, thank you! Richiev, his family is aware he is mafia as his father was, they are not aware that he is a sadistic violent hitman though. He has another identity that nobody at all knows about, he…
on Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.

Very helpful feedback thank you. It is for a teleplay and I am going to take your words of wisdom and get back to this thread with the improvements.
on A serial womaniser discovers women from his past are murdered soon after making amends and must find their killer before an inoperable brain tumour kills him.

Also, the great part about having similar story lines to terrible movies is that you can learn what made them terrible and turn your story into something great! Good luck.
on A serial womaniser discovers women from his past are murdered soon after making amends and must find their killer before an inoperable brain tumour kills him.

I find that you are basically telling me in the logline that maybe an ex is killing off all the woman he is making amends with. To me a logline should never tell the outcome. I also would possibly keep…
on Identiical Twins living in the Post-Apocalyptic Caribbean have their village attacked by pirates, one of them is taken and the village is destroyed; unable to make contact one devotes his life to saving his brother while the other slowly becomes identical to the very pirates that pillaged his town.

Interesting for sure. I tend to agree more with "dpg" interpretation of your logline. You have a great story to tell but the logline needs to be shortened by taken unnecessary wording out. I would tweek dpg's suggestion and make…

Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.