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A Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
There might be a balance to strike here. And possibly a word count limit to test. One way I did my most recent post (face palms because I could have done it sooner) was to read it out loud into…
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After a night of self destructive drinking a boy (Chris) discovers that his girlfriend (Anna) possesses the ability to remain immortal as long as she does not fall in love. As Chris' family life decays, he runs away from home with Anna to show her a life bereft of love is not one lived.
as long as she doesn't fall in love....with him or someone else? clear that up and you have a clear log line in my opinion!
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A Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
I recently learned in a highly regarded screenwriting class (which I completed over 10 months) that log lines essentially have to be "hooks" or "highlighted inciting incidents" within the story that could very well grab attention. And a hook (according…
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A young street level dealer must navigate the mine field of gang culture to get out before the gang implodes in a bloody internal war.
Why must he navigate the mine field of gang culture? Does he have a larger purpose then escape?
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When her only daughter intends to get married within a month, 50 yrs old widow Neela, who has deep fear of loneliness, must become aware of this fear by stop denying it and then try to face and overcome this fear by accepting the truth that we are all alone so that she can give consent to her daughter's marriage.
The emotionally driven component of this log line needs to be even clearer. I haven't read previous comments so If I am repeating anything, my apologies. Even though the emotional path for your lead is straight and clear to you,…
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A Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
I debated about what one word description to place before the word (nanny), Bipolar might be better. So can "power hungry" because she manipulates children for a living and this practice of hers is hidden. However "power hungry" is more…
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A Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
Alrighty, I'm not going to let a winded 70 word log line ruin my chances to get this right, LOL. Here I go again. I'm such a noob. This time, I'm cutting out the bulk of the story and getting…
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After a night of self destructive drinking a boy (Chris) discovers that his girlfriend (Anna) possesses the ability to remain immortal as long as she does not fall in love. As Chris' family life decays, he runs away from home with Anna to show her a life bereft of love is not one lived.
I'm clear about what the characters are trying to do. However I'm not clear on the motivations or the point of contention. There is a log line formula that I just used (dug it out after forgetting about it): Here…
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A Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
My bad. I went back to a basic log line structure that I forgot to use. The most recent update is the (hopeful) improvement. Thank you to all for your input!
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?When an inexperienced journalist gets assigned to a military unit fighting in the second US civil war, he will have to fill the unlikely role of diplomat in order to prevent the war from reaching his home town.?
This could be very interesting. What is it about the town that makes it deserve so much protection? And who will enforce it when a nation's survival is at stake?
