ajapplejacks88

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

on A young, successful real estate entrepreneur discovers his entire life is controlled by a group of computer programmers.

Why are the computer programmers controlling his life? If you don't want to tease that point in the logline, I would at least add an adjective or two to describe the programmers. Are they evil or what?
on After learning his father did not die when he was 7 a man sets off to find him, and does, at a silent monk monastery halfway across the world.

Where is the struggle and end goal for the lead character? It seems like the entire story is revealed in the logline. I would focus more on what happens AFTER the lead finds his long lost father. Clearly, the father…
on A recently deceased couple must find a way to reconcile their marriage in the afterlife before crossing over.

I agree with FFF. Though the idea is original, the logline should include some more details to make the reader want to sink their teeth into it. I would say just build upon this logline with some more action and…
on A remedial math teacher is forced to wonder if he wasted his potential as a screenwriter when his ex-highschool sweetheart, now a hollywood actress visits their hometown.

I agree with the comments above. There doesn't seem to be much of a "story" apparent in this logline. I would suggest that you go back and re-work your plot to include a definitive action and a definitive goal. Then,…