Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
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Freewill:
Re: A naive teen and her more-experienced partner witness a murder half-way through a remote rock-climb, and find themselves the target of the killer trying to cover his tracks
I have no particular problem with this version in terms of the issue of unity and singularity of plot.
I do have a question about the logline seeming to cast dual protagonists.? Who owns the story?? Who is your point of view character?? Who has the strongest arc?? Is the plot really about the relationship between the teen and the experienced climber?? Or...?
(FWIW: I favor framing the logline with the teen as the protagonist, the pov character, because then the film is more marketable: it can be promoted targeting the teenage/young adult demographic -- the most desired and lucrative group.)
I am aware of but haven't (yet) seen "The River Wild".? Reading the plot summary at IMDB, it seems that Meryl Streep's character is the protagonist because she's the experienced guide, the one with the skill and knowledge to steer the raft.? And I'm guessing she's the point of view character.
That is my provisional answer.? I've added it to my viewing queue.?? As is my practice, after I viewing a picture, I? will write my version of a logline? for it.
In my view, a logline is a condensed plot. So, it helps to have a basic idea of your plot or story and then identify core elements i.e inciting incident, conflict, etc. for your logline.
If you try and start off thinking about a hooky logline then that's merely an exercise in marketing rather than screenwriting. I'm pretty sure the studios have A.I that can do this a lot better than any human since the A.I has a database filled with the best movie loglines matched to demographics and box office returns.
Also, it helps if the story is somewhat personal and actually? means something to you because you are going to be living with this story for a very long time if you decide to write a screenplay.
Thanks guys - good points!
Good notes by DPG.
The second "plot" seems better suited for a film. Two rock climbers witness a murder on a mountain and are then targeted by the killer. That situation, in its own right, has plenty of motivation, stakes, and objectives to fulfill the requirements of a good plot.
Consider the first half of your logline backstory and the second half as the main plot, then structure a new logline accordingly.
What experience and training does the overprotected teenager have in rock climbing at the time she hooks up with the older rock climber?
A logline is a concise statement of a plot.? One and only one plot.
This logline has two plots.
1}Inciting incident: the teen hooks up with the rock climber.? Objective goal: With his help , she climbs a dangerous route.
2] Inciting incident: They witness a murder.? Objective goal: Survive a homicidal maniac.
The first plot could fill out an entire film by itself.? Such are the challenges of rock climbing. (See "Free Solo" and "The Dawn Wall".)? The 2nd plot seems to be literally and metaphorically overkill.? Contrived overkill, at that.
What do I mean by contrived? A major problem I have with the 2nd plot is that it comes out of nowhere, seems totally disconnected from the 1st plot. It isn't necessary that the only place and time in the whole world the couple could possibly witness a murder is while rock climbing.? They could just as well have witnessed a murder coming out of a 7-Eleven, or driving down a road, or walking in a park.
There is no cause an effect relationship between the 1st plot and the 2nd.? There is only coincidence.? They happen to be climbing -- and lo! -- a? deux-ex-machina event falls into the narrative.
Also what is the thematic connection between the 1st? plot and the 2nd?? A film should be united not only in a singular plot line but also in a singular theme or controlling idea?? What is the theme or controlling idea shared by both plot lines?