When a brutal assasin wins custody of his two children after the biased outcome of a divorce proceedings, he intends to dominate their lives and discovered a great potential in one of them but then the table turned against him and his attrocities were exposed as the children struggled to be free from his cruel hands.

Last chance

4 reviews

TX 0 pts

Yeah, this truly helps thanks.

sharkeatingman 0 pts

The obvious problem(s) are: no sign of a protagonist, spelling errors, and too wordy. If you switch POV to the protag, it might help in it's construction. The most intriguing part is "brutal assassin"; after that, he kind of goes downhill quickly. You're simply trying to throw in the kitchen sink- common problem- when you should concentrate on the true "heart and soul" (seed, concept, premise, etc) of the story you want to tell.

Hope that helps...