Discovering they're demigoddesses and guardians of four mystical keys, a geeky push over, her estranged little sister, her former high school bully and her best frienemy must unite against a evil fallen goddess seeking to use the keys to reclaim her true power and enslave the planet.

Hi jamesmichael & andrewclau. Both of your tips are very helpful! I was thinking of going with something like this:

Bestowed with the power of ancient gods, a geeky push over and her three friends must stop an evil goddess from wreaking havoc on the planet.

Also, andrewclau, it's the premise for a web series I'm developing.

Forgot to mention -- I'd like to see this movie. :-)

I agree with jamesmichael. You need to pick a single protagonist to drive the story.

Also, from what I can see in the way you have written your log line, the girls' discovery of their demigoddess/guardian status would be the inciting incident of the story but "discovering" would be an action on part of the girls.

I think you will need to take out "discovery" (action) and change it to something that happens (event) to the girls as an inciting incident.

ie: When a geeky pushover and her friends are bestowed the powers of XYZ, the geeky pushover and her friends will need to fight an evil goddess or the world will be enslaved.

Not the best logline but just want to demonstrate that the inciting incident is something that should happen to a character not something a character does.

You have all the key parts here for a logline, there's just way way to much going on to the point where it gets confusing.

The best way to clear this up is pick a main character. Although there are the four girls in this, one should be the 'leader' and therefore the protag.

Centre the logline around her (still mention that there are another three) but make sure that you centre the POV around the one.