Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
This is the first time I’m working from a logline to a script. Only the barest bones of the story are in place and I’m trying to keep it fluid. This is also the first thing I’m intentionally working outside of my wheelhouse (science fiction).
Glad you do my friend.
That's great. That definitely pushes hard towards an ending. I really like it.
Hi Hallucigenia,
I guess I know where you are going with this and I like the story (if it is what I think it is). In the end, this is your story and all proposed loglines are and will be based on your original logline. You know better what you'll be writing. I personally have two issues with your reverse logline from the billionaire’s POV.
1- The term "directionless"
and
2- The structure of the sentence.
How does this sound to you?
"A Miserable young man enters a bored billionaire's life whose dark fantasies can cost their lives and sanity."
I hope this helps
Good Luck
After causing an accident, a poor young man finds himself bound to the increasingly chaotic whims of a bored billionaire.
I think emphasizing the accident (the incident) puts more stress (in both senses) on the nature of their relationship. Also, I'm finding narcissistic to not convey as much info. To an extent I think we expect billionaires to be narcissistic. Bored carries the billionaire into potentially darker territory.
I don't like rebellious. It feels like I've seen that guy and that sends the story into semi-predictable areas. If this were a comedy, sure, but I've got a Cheap Thrills / Cape Fear vibe that I can't shake. I don't like "poor young man" for the same reason. Malcontent still feels right. This is the downside to working from logline to script.
Below is a reverse logline from the billionaire's POV. I don't know if it's any better, but pushes towards the (shock?) ending.
After a directionless young man enters his life, a bored billionaire discovers a dark pleasure that threatens their lives and sanity.
Hi Hallucigenia,
How about this?
"A rebellious young man finds himself legally bound to the whims of an egoistic billionaire who is out to make a point of breaking him."
I hope this helps
Good Luck