After a hundred years of toxic air and water, everyone is either death or blind… until Lacy and her twin brother Sam come along.

Hey Darkthorn,

Thanks for posting a few loglines. You've brought our numbers up, and you'll soon be listed as a top logliner!

Still, I would recommend reading the "Training" section. Your loglines consistently lack a critical element.

The most important thing: they don't give us any idea of what to expect in the story's 2nd act. There is no clear goal.

Also, make sure there always is a clear, personal - and preferably SINGLE - main character. ?Until you're well-versed in story development, and have a few successful projects, it is probably best to focus on single-protagonist stories.

I invite you to make an attempt to improve your loglines, and post the revised version in the comments. Please don't re-publish any new versions. Always write them in the comments, as a reply to the user reviews. Thank you!

Cheers,

Karel