\"A withdrawn, abused and bullied teenager, does well to keep his various and at times genius talents well hidden from his tormentors. A chance meeting with a drifter however, changes everything.\"

by holbrook99 0 pts 1,353 views

Benson has always been a tormented soul, abused from a young age and bulled throughout all stages of his life. He is a loner that wanders through life, at times willing it to end. He does well to hide has many unusual talents from his tormentors until a chance meeting with an odd drifter, sends Benson on the first and last adventure he will ever have.

7 reviews

patrockable 0 pts

Great, thats better! Now I recommend cutting it down to the bare essentials... can you say it in 25-30 words?

Also it seems there are two goals in the story:

The first is the goal of the adventure he has with the drifter. What is this goal? Do they accomplish it?
The second is the revenge goal.

Once you work out the first goal, I'd pick the stronger one of the two and mention just one in the logline.

holbrook99 0 pts

OR...

"Benson, An abused teenager, has the unique abilty of controlling animals. A chance meeting with a drifter takes him on an adventure with the only friend he has ever known. When his tormentors kill the drifter, Benson inflicts the ultimate revenge.

holbrook99 0 pts

Ok, how aboutthis?

When a withdrawn, bullied and abused teenager, with an abilty to communicate with animals meets an odd drifter, he begins to use his abilities in ways he never imagined, ultimately leading to the punishment of his tormentors.