After a peculiar foreigner buys back her freedom from the king of Jericho, a desperate young prostitute tries to free her enslaved family before the fabled city is destroyed by an Israelite army.

2 reviews

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Samurai · 767 pts

Thank you Karel,

After a peculiar?foreigner?buys back her freedom from the king of Jericho, a?desperate young prostitute tries to free her enslaved family before the fabled city is destroyed by an Israelite army.

Former member

Better:

"When a desperate young prostitute's family is enslaved in Jericho, she must..."

Also, 'facing overwhelming odds' is too generic for a logline. EVERY great story has a main character facing overwhelming odds.

Be as specific as you can be within the word count.

I like the ticking clock/racing against time.

I know this sounds pedantic, but you'll make a better impression if you close every sentence with a full stop.

Without it, it feels as if you rushed this logline...