ktramsay2

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
7 reviews

When his friend vanishes, a sleep deprived police informant must navigate his suburb's criminal underbelly to pick up the trail before he falls asleep.

March 21, 2013

on A worldwide hero and modern prophet is faced with losing everything as a stronger hero rises. He is now forced to defend his title to stay on top of the world that he controls.

Maybe you don't even need the forced in there. You could just say ' must'
on Sarah Jane tells her story about how she over comes her past relationship and having to move on with life but is also struggling financially and having to look after her family and having to concentrate on her studies.

I think the last half can be summarized better. If shes the narrator it the logline can be much shorter.
on When writing teacher Karels students start failing, he must kick it into overdrive in order to get his students to pass before the end of the Semester.

Perfect. It needs a comma in the middle though. Also Karel should have a gun.
on A mentally troubled banker from Chicago finds himself hard to go by everyday due to his traumatic past, he manages the people who made him who he is now which leads him into a plot to sabotage there financial lives and turn his without being notice by the bank, the victim and overcoming his own greed.

A little bit too much detail about the characters and not enough about the plot.
on After the death of his estranged father, Robert Krunch, a disgruntled office worker in his late 20s, must take his fathers place as an elite high speed hover car racer for a chance at a new life.

Time to bring....THE KRUNCH!
on An overly maternal mid wife takes on extreme circumstances after finding out see cannot conceive, to mother a child of her own.

is that 'she cannot conceive'?
on From professional football player to professional coach he leads the top team to victory and breaks multimillion dollar contracts a long the way.

Who leads the top team to victory?

When his friend vanishes, a sleep deprived police informant must navigate his suburb's criminal underbelly to pick up the trail before he falls asleep.