Julien Perrottet

Recent reviews

• on A high-end thief must execute an impossible heist to prove she didn’t murder her entire team before her crime boss father hunts her down.

  Odie, thanks for taking the time! I'm not sure if either of those questions needs to be answered in the logline. I think the fact that you're asking the questions indicated that I've delivered enough of a hook to get…

• on They were enemies on the cricket grounds before war breaks out but now they face a common enemy in Malaya. They have to defend a bridge that would prevent the Japanese army reaching Singapore. An impossible task that creates the first heroes and martyrs of the Pacific War.

  Anwardi, nice work. Let's break this down from 48 words to 30ish. We need The Big Three – the hero, goal, and problem of your story and genre. Two rivals on the cricket field are conscripted to fight in the…

• on An estranged couple begrudgingly accepts a mission to rescue an atheist with the hopes for reconciliation, but in Hell nothing but hate can survive.

  Hey Chris! Let's get stuck in here. There is an interesting element here but it's messy. Let's break this down by asking a bunch of questions to answer The Big Three – the hero, goal, and problem; 1) Hero/heros? "estranged…

• on When faced with the agony of getting real jobs after graduation, a hapless hair metal band must make their way to LA for a shot at a huge record deal but a former classmate (and failed musician) works for the label and will stop at nothing to see they flop.

  Hey! Great work here. I have a few thoughts. 1) Do we need "When faced with the agony of getting real jobs after graduation"? It doesn't seem to impact the rest of the story because they don't break up and…

• on A martriarch fights to keep her family together amid hurtful secrets.

  Hey, nice work. I have two questions; 1) What happens if her family falls apart? I know it would be sad but that might not be enough. 2) Can you give us a descriptive word about the mother? I personally…