JohnnyD

Penpusher · 25 points

275 points to Logliner

1 logline
2 reviews

When traumatic memories of a past life as a WWII pilot haunt him, an emotionally fractured young man must harness his wild imagination; but when he breaks from his domineering father, he must master self doubt in order to become a whole and grounded person before losing his life to suicide

July 2, 2023

on A bogus spiritualist and an amateur actor hope to con a wealthy woman out of $10,000 by locating her sole heir ? a nephew given up for adoption under shady circumstances ? but find they are in deep water as the nephew turns out to be a kidnapper who?d rather not be found

This one is intriguing. But it doesn’t quite highlight the stakes enough. The nephew doesn’t want to be found right? So is he himself a much harder core criminal, meaning the fake spiritualist and the actor have bitten off more…
on “When she gets a scholarship to an art school, quirky high schooler tries to convince her overprotective family she’s pregnant, so she will be ‘sent away to her aunts’ in order to, in reality, go to the art school in New York.”

It’s a good start. You could include a reference to “sexist male dominated culture of the sixties” in the longline. If the character arc you want to show includes the protagonist becoming more self motivated, grounded, etc, then we would…