DylanK

Recent reviews

• on When a prison gate is accidentally left open, a young female inmate must find a way to get to the gate and get her chance at freedom.

  For me the main thing missing is the ticking clock. I understand that it's implied because this is a prison and no gate would remain unlocked for long. ?But as stated above that raises it's own problems. ?Just as dpg…

• on When her billionaire grandfather refuses to pay her ransom, heiress Billie Ross recruits her kidnapper to rob the family?s casino

  I've taken a look at all your posted pitches. ?And as I noted before, each has a clear cool premise. ?And each lacks the conflict. ?I note this here as this one is the closest to having conflict. ?Tightwad Grandfather,…

• on EDITED: Desperate to save their TV show from cancellation, two feuding co-stars, an aging actress and a troubled younger actor, enter a fabricated public romance to boost ratings

  I quite like this. ?It feels like a cool rom-com. ?As is, this would get my read. But if you want to make it truly excellent you'll need to introduce?conflict ?This has a solid premise. ?What it doesn't tell me…

• on When Air Force One and a large passenger plane’s engines fail, the hacker responsible informs one of the secret service agents that he has two hours before each plane crashes to either assassinate the President or let his wife and child die on the other plane.

  I see a problem with the core concept. ?If the hacker can make the engines of Air Force One?fail, why doesn't he just crash the plane? ?Why bother with the secret service agent at all. I'm sure you'll deal with…

• on When a man is cut into two symmetrical halves completed with mechanical prosthesis, the two sides fight each other to become a full person again.

  Fun for sure. ?But it's odd they'd be fighting... to get together. ?Reunification is most easily achieved through cooperation so... ?If they were fighting for the majority of the body, that I would get. This feels like Jet Li's "the…

• on A web of tragic events unfold when a love-starved atomic scientist allows herself to be seduced by a personable but moody lesbian teen whom she suspects of being a spy.

  Is this film really about the danger?being seduced by?a spy puts you in? ?Or is it about the emotional toll of betrayal? ?If it's about a spy, then it's a Thriller. ?If it's about the emotional toll, then Drama. As…

• on Home Invasion – A brilliant engineer and his family get trapped in their home when his highly sophisticated, prototype security device goes rogue.

  This one's tough. ?It's a good idea. ?A cool monster in the box. ?And a nice dose of irony. But to really hook us we need that impending danger. ?The security system is?going to kill them.?There's something that's keeping it…

• on When a gang member triumphs murder charges in his grandson’s death several times, a retired mob boss declares war against a young and powerful gang leader for control over the city’s corrupt legal system.

  Dpg nailed it.

• on a terminally ill man sets out to take revenge on people from his past. But to his frustration they are dying before he can get to them.

  This feels solid to me. ?I smiled when I read it. ?It's clearly a dark comedy. ?I get that, being terminally ill, he can now do all the things to his enemies?he's always wanted to. ? ?And the terrible frustration…

• on An interstellar hitman is forced together with an intrepid, young archeologist in a race against a ruthless mercenary group to find the legendary fortune of an ancient civilization. ★ Accepted

  I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you've done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story.…

• on A mute street performer with PTSD, trapped and on the run in war-torn Europe, must use his wits and talents, and enlist the help of the French Resistance, to change the course of the second World War.

  Both the new log line and the original give the impression this is a big story with lots of moving parts. ?But at it's heart this feels like a story about a mute guy trying to tell people about concentration…

• on In 1915, after a promising Australian sprinter spurns athletic glory for military glory by enlisting in the Great War, he must survive the carnage of the doomed Gallipoli campaign in Turkey.

  How is this different than the film Gallipoli staring Mel Gibson from 1981? ?In that film the log line is "Two Australian sprinters face the brutal realities of war when they are sent to fight in the Gallipoli campaign in…

• on A man seeking love falls for a lady he will marry. When he walks in on his best friend sleeping with her, he then must make a choice to either walk away or get his revenge.

  This log line contains extra and unnecessary information. ?The sentence "A man seeking love falls for a lady he will marry." can be replaced by the words 'An engaged man." Simplified "An engaged man discovers his fiancee sleeping with his…

• on Stranded in enemy space, when a tyrannical federation’s mothership seizes his father’s company car, a fickle teen must retrieve it and return home on Earth before his father starts his new job.

  I found this confusing. ?Here's why. ?He's stranded in space when the aliens take the car. ?Got it. ?But then he has to retrieve it? ?Isn't he already with it? ?If he's not with the car, is this movie about…

• on A grieving 12 year old boy must navigate between his physical and fantasy worlds, battling fears and doubts to uncover the origins of a mysterious dagger. This journey will test the truths of who he is and who he is to become.

  The hero's journey and main conflict aren't clear to me. ?Who specifically is he fighting? Why does he need to know the truth about the dagger? ?What happens if he doesn't learn that truth? You've got a journey story. ?You've…

• on When a flippant prankster is ripped off by crazy scammer he seeks compensation but inadvertently starts a relationship with the scammer?s even crazier assistant.

  You're putting a lot into this log line, and it feels bogged down. ?Ultimately this feels like a story about a man getting into a relationship with a crazy girl who scammed him. ?It feels like you should simplify your…

• on When a gang member triumphs murder charges in his grandson’s death several times, a retired mob boss declares war against a young and powerful gang leader for control over the city’s corrupt legal system.

  I too am confused by this log line. ?It's the sentence structure. ?The first sentence uses the words "triumphs murder charges". ?I know what you mean by this, but it takes thinking about. ?This story seems to be about two…

• on A lawsuit for his wife?s injury offers a homeless group leader a ticket out? until a member of his flock threatens to testify. Now he must resort to extreme measure to stop him.

  This concept sounds like an interesting drama. ?But the story revolving around homeless people doesn't work for me. ?I would prefer to see this story told around people just like me trapped in a train station and struggling to survive…