captainryannn

86 points

214 points to Logliner

Loglines

on Logline: A man marries the woman he drugged and date raped. His journey to get help leaves a trail discovered by her twin sister that forces his wife to make a decision between her husband and her family.

Hard to tell who the protagonist is here. If it's the husband, I would maybe consider including something within the logline that might make him redeemable. The "Make a decision" part is a little vague and could use a bit…
on When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.

As already noted, the added stakes suggested presents a lot more immediacy to the story. How do these drawings control her? What might a child be distressed about? Perhaps those could be worth touching on in the logline as well.…