wlubake

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
8 reviews

A woman protected her whole life by what she believes to be her guardian angel must unravel the secrets behind her protector when it starts hurting the people closest to her.

October 30, 2013

on A no-nonsense matriarch helps her estranged husband beat his alcohol addiction and repair their marriage for the sake of her son's sanity, after he invites a homeless boy – who thinks he is Peter Pan – to live with them.

I'd also ask who invites the homeless boy into the house? Is it the son or the father? Your logline also appears set up for the mother to be the protagonist, though she seems to have the least to do…
on An diligent scientist on his last routin mission in space before return home to his beloved daughter, Goes out of his way to save an familiar but mysterious woman from getting killed by here own people.

Some thoughts: First, there are some grammar problems to sort out. A diligent scientist rather than an diligent scientist. Routine rather than routin. Returning home rather than return home. No comma after daughter. Don't capitalize Goes. A familiar rather than…
on In a future city where women are bought and sold, the last married man on Earth takes on the city?s annual, gladiatorial game to win the ultimate grand prize: his wife.

Getting really close with this, I feel. A few minor notes. First, by saying "in a future city where", it suggests that the rest of the world isn't trading in women. Just the city. Thus, to escape this terrible environment,…
on A woman protected her whole life by what she believes to be her guardian angel must unravel the secrets behind her protector when it starts hurting the people closest to her.

Thanks for the feedback! Really looking to test the concept here, as I am tentatively tagging this as my next project. I am definitely going a horror/thriller route with it.
on The last married man on Earth takes on all contenders to win back his kidnapped wife on a bloody, gladiatorial game show.

This logline leaves me with a bunch of questions. Why is he the last married man on earth? Did people just stop getting married? Why is it important that he's the last married man on earth (it doesn't seem to…
on ?A young lawyer?s world turns upside down when the woman he met as a freshman dies the day of their wedding. As a result, he must choose to live his current life which is a product of joint decisions or find the person he was just before he met her”

Not necessarily conflicting. It just needs to relate to the story (or be omitted from the logline). So, for instance, John McClane is a New York cop. That doesn't conflict with the movie, rather it helps us understand why he…
on Attending what they believe to be a farewell party, a group of friends discover the host has been diagnosed with an incurable disease and plans to take his own life at the end of the night, unless they can convince him not to.

First off, there is weak protagonist identification here. "A group of friends" tells us little about the characters we should be rooting for to succeed. This might work in a slasher film, but probably not the best approach in a…
on ?A young lawyer?s world turns upside down when the woman he met as a freshman dies the day of their wedding. As a result, he must choose to live his current life which is a product of joint decisions or find the person he was just before he met her”

Interesting concept. I'd change "the woman he met as a freshman" to his "college sweetheart" or simply "fianc?". There is some relationship confusion. Maybe add emotion with calling her "the love of his life". Also, the fact that he is…

A woman protected her whole life by what she believes to be her guardian angel must unravel the secrets behind her protector when it starts hurting the people closest to her.