bondthewriter

2 points

298 points to Logliner

16 loglines
39 reviews

Loglines

In a post-apocalyptic future, when a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a brutal military experiment, he helps a terrorist cell fight through a dangerous wasteland to free a host of captured children.

July 20, 2013
After publicly exposing his super-human abilities, an angel-hybrid teenager is hunted by his demonic half-brother who seeks to increase his power and enslave mankind.

July 11, 2013
When a lost young man's mind is filled with memories of fallen heroes, he races against a dark mystic to find a powerful ancient relic that can save the realm or plunge it into darkness.

March 19, 2013
A fast-talking drifter recruits a supernatural team to help him steal Pandora?s Box from Lucifer, in order to be reinstated as heaven?s Angel of Darkness.

March 6, 2013
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A desperate griffin fights through a horde of zombies to capture the only thing that will return his family?s honor, an immune human.

March 5, 2013
After waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.

February 28, 2013
In a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.

February 28, 2013
When team of zombie fighting monsters lose their commander an overzealous commando orders them to protect a solitary human that could save their food source from extinction.

February 23, 2013
A reckless government agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment, leading him to team with terrorists to mount a rescue.

February 23, 2013
After publicly exposing his angelic abilities, a guilt-ridden teenager must confront his origins in order to hone his skills and protect his loved ones from his fallen angel father.

February 23, 2013
After learning his long lost brother is a test subject in a government experiment, a reckless government agent teams with terrorists in a post-apocalyptic wasteland to mount a rescue.

February 23, 2013
After publicly exposing his unique abilities a guilt-ridden teenager must defend his loved ones from the consuming evil that comes to recruit him.

February 22, 2013
When a team of zombie fighting monsters loses their commander a rookie Griffin steps up to lead them through the horde of New York City so they can deliver an immune human to a secure location for testing.

February 22, 2013
In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, when a government transporter with a death-wish learns that his long dead brother is alive he teams up with an escaped experimental super-soldier and a sassy resistance fighter to find his lost brother and stop a deranged government scientist who is experimenting on children.

February 22, 2013
The night New York City loses containment on the Zombie outbreak, the rookie member of a Covert Zombie Suppression Team must escort the plague's original carrier to a secure location for testing.

February 22, 2013
In a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a rogue munitions runner teams up with a failed government experiment and a resistance fighter to find his lost brother and help them end a brutal research project that experiments on children.

February 22, 2013

Recent reviews

on In a post-apocalyptic future, when a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a brutal military experiment, he helps a terrorist cell fight through a dangerous wasteland to free a host of captured children.

Thank everyone for the help! I appreciate it.
on After publicly exposing his super-human abilities, an angel-hybrid teenager is hunted by his demonic half-brother who seeks to increase his power and enslave mankind.

They both have the same dad.. a fallen angel. The half-brother is more evil, hence the 'demonic' title I gave him for simplicity. Basically the main character.. the teenager.. doesn't know what he is.. just that he's had powers he's…
on In a post-apocalyptic future, when a reckless government agent learns that his long lost brother is a test subject in a brutal military experiment, he helps a terrorist cell fight through a dangerous wasteland to free a host of captured children.

Thanks for the great feedback! I'm heading out to LA for a pitchfest in about a week and a half so I really need to get this distilled down for my screenplay. A little back story based on your questions..…
on Money found on legal salvage seems Heaven-sent to a young mariner who just inherited a gutted business ? until its criminal owners target his friends and family in the close-knit coastal town.

You have most of it here, but I feel that it needs one more item.. the action. What is the young mariner going to do to remedy the situation? You have the inciting indecent and the issue that it causes,…
on A brilliant pickup artist addicted to crack meets the love of his life in form of a stripper whom just laid of the pipe and must now choose – Love? Or crack.

I'm struggling to tell what kind of story this is... When I read the logline it feels like a straight up drama, but then when you add the title it makes it feel like a comedy. Maybe that's just my…
on When an ancient Egyptian artifact arrives at a local museum and staff members begin to get murdered one by one, a security guard who is dissatisfied with her job must solve the murders and catch the killer before she becomes the next victim.

The security guard is your main character so they need to come sooner in the logline. Usually you want to be in the 25-30 word area and the main character isn't mentioned until word 21. I'd also find a way…
on When a lost young man's mind is filled with memories of fallen heroes, he races against a dark mystic to find a powerful ancient relic that can save the realm or plunge it into darkness.

Thanks for the info. I do feel I've got a good twist on a hero's morality and a some other stuff in this story to make it stand out. He wants the relic to rid his mind of the memories…
on A desperate griffin fights through a horde of zombies to capture the only thing that will return his family?s honor, an immune human.

"Never give up, Never surrender!" I just finished the outline for the screenplay and I"m very happy with it.. so making sure I get the logline perfect is important. Thanks for all the feedback. I'm still racking my brain for…
on After waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.

As always, thanks for the help! His vision of redemption is getting back into heaven. The character arc is that he realizes that becoming human IS his redemption, it just takes the events of the story for him to see…
on In a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.

Yes, Monsters eat humans (without human blood they weaken and eventually die), Zombie plague happens, Monster's risk exposing themselves to stop the spread of the infection. Zombie blood lacks the proprieties that sustain the Monsters so they can't eat them.…
on In a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.

Also.. Thanks for all the insight!
on In a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.

The human is immune, unlike any other human they've seen. He wants to deliver the human in the hopes that a cure can be found. The griffin is on one of many teams that are trying to stop the spread…
on When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.

I think you've got a great start, just keep working at it and you'll get it. My suggestion would be to be careful not to confuse your backstory with your story. I'm guilty of this a lot as well. Just…
on After waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.

Thanks everyone! How about.. "After waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness struggles for redemption by recruiting a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer."
on In a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.

Yeah, this logline has been kicking my ass. The monsters eat humans... they have a ruling Council.. 'The Council of Blood'.. the Griffins are enforces for the council but they are the only species that isn't addicted to Human blood..…
on When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.

My question would be what happens during the first part (10 pages if you're writing feature length) of the story? When does this 'failure' occur? It sounds like the ship failure would be your inciting incident, but if that's the…
on Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.

Rekindling the war is your inciting incident, correct? It's what sets the story in motion? If so I would put that first. That will help separate the two instances of war in your logline and help eliminate the confusion. 'After…
on A renowned FBI agent must stop the world's most powerful man before he brings the planet to the brink of environmental destruction.

This feels a bit too general. I'd say you need to be more specific. Why? How? You want to catch someone's attention with a logline and if you're too general your story will blend in with many others. Maybe try…
on A survivalist is forced to defend his post-apocalypse community from anti-technology fanatics and a traitor within the community's leadership.

The day that your story starts.. what is different? What is the inciting incident? Do the AT people attack for the first time? You need a reason for the story and then I agree with Timmyelliot, your MC needs a…
on When team of zombie fighting monsters lose their commander an overzealous commando orders them to protect a solitary human that could save their food source from extinction.

Thanks!