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While in coma, a pessimistic former athlete must regain his self belief to help a police force, that operates within collective unconscious of humanity, stop a powerful psychic taking over everybody’s minds.
I like the seed-concept, a story that leverages Jung's theory of the collective unconscious, but...For one thing, why a coma? ?Couldn't these "adventures" take place while he's asleep? ?Which would create additional complications and tension. Because 2/3 of his time would be spent "out of commissionRead more
I like the seed-concept, a story that leverages Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious, but…
For one thing, why a coma? ?Couldn’t these “adventures” take place while he’s asleep? ?Which would create additional complications and tension. Because 2/3 of his time would be spent “out of commission” — waking life — unable to engage with the psychic daemonic-shadow figure.
Add to that a ticking clock — an urgent need for him to get to sleep early and often — and the complication that he’s an insomniac..
Oh, and an anima-siren/love interest who threatens to lure him to his doom.
As I said, I like the concept, but…
fwiw
See lessDesperate to save her family farm, a dedicated cowgirl falls in love with a college-indebted loner, only to find out that they both compete against each other for $50,000 at the state rodeo.
I agree with Nir Shelter. ?The setup seems rather generic. The American West was -- and is -- still primarily a man's world; it is dominated by masculine values and prejudices. ?So if you're going to have a female protagonist ?in such a testosterone-"poisoned" culture, then I suggest you need a storRead more
I agree with Nir Shelter. ?The setup seems rather generic.
The American West was — and is — still primarily a man’s world; it is dominated by masculine values and prejudices. ?So if you’re going to have a female protagonist ?in such a testosterone-“poisoned” culture, then I suggest you need a story angle that highlights and develops the resulting challenges and conflicts that creates for women.
And ?I don’t see anything in this logline that does that.
fwiw
See lessSuffering from deep psychological scars, the troubled young girl struggles to live a normal life again.
Gerald:I notice that this is your 3rd posted logline about a protagonist who is in deep psychological pain. ?So it seems to be the dramatic bone you want to chew on .A protagonist with a troubled psyche is excellent raw material for a drama. ?And the trick to building a movie plot and a logline withRead more
Gerald:
I notice that this is your 3rd posted logline about a protagonist who is in deep psychological pain. ?So it seems to be the dramatic bone you want to chew on .
A protagonist with a troubled psyche is excellent raw material for a drama. ?And the trick to building a movie plot and a logline with that raw material is to have an inciting incident that places that troubled psyche in a specific dramatic situation that forces her to ?overcome her psychological problem in the course of struggling for a specific objective goal.
As an example take the 2010 movie “It’s Kind of a Funny Story”. ? When a?suicidal (character vulnerability) teen checks himself in for an overnight stay in a psyche ward (inciting incident) only to discover he can’t leave for 5 days (dramatic problem), he must find a way to escape (objective goal). ?The movie explores his psychological problem within the specific context of the adult ward of the hospital in which he has unwittingly become trapped. ?His ?struggle for his?objective goal (escaping) is the means by which he works out his ?problem.
This is what your logline needs to do: ?throw your troubled protagonist into a specific situation that compels her to struggle for a ?specific objective goal that she can only achieve by overcoming her psychological problem (aka: her?character arc).
So, in effect, her struggle becomes her healing process.?
And then there is ?“Ordinary People” (1980), ?an emotionally moving and psychologically insightful film ?about a protagonist suffering from “deep psychological scars”. ?(It “only” won Oscars for Best Picture, Best Script adapted from another medium, Best Actor and Best Director.) ?
In “Ordinary People” ?the accidental death of a brother in a boating accident plunges the surviving brother into a suicidal spiral of grief and guilt . ?That is the cause of his psychological scars. ? The movie opens with a PTSD flashback to the incident, the boating accident, that triggers his crisis.
In contrast, ?none of your posted loglines mention an inciting incident. ?We are given no clue as to HOW the girl got her “scars”, WHY she is suffering. ?We don’t ?know what makes her suffering different from anyone else’s suffering in any other film about psychological scars.
What is the specific event that causes her “psychological scars”?
As a result of those scars what MUST she do about it? ?What becomes her specific objective goal, her specific plan to heal those scars?
And here’s a big one: ?what’s at stake if she fails? (In “Ordinary People” the stakes are the protagonist’s very life — he’ll try to commit suicide again.)
fwiw?
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