When a pregnant woman goes missing, her hospital phobic boyfriend must escape a doomed abortion clinic before she succumbs to its long forgotten curse.

Update - As I've continued with the story, I have found that even though all the elements mentioned in the logline are still there, this logline doesn't suit the story AT ALL.

Just an observation.

Expect something new very soon...

Cool, glad to help

I've been tinkering now for the last 9 hours over this logline and have come to the conclusion that the difference between mine and your alteration comes down to a matter of personal perspective, so we're both right for different reasons.

However, I would probably change "end its curse" to "break its curse", just so it looks like the main guy HAS to achieve something rather than how it looks now and having something just "happen".

All in all, thanks for your advice, but from this point forward I think I'm ready for the next step and if anything needs to change after that, I have your suggestions.

I like that attempt, however, since the boyfriend is the lead character I would begin the logline with him, but that is only a minor change.
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"After his pregnant girlfriends goes missing, a hospital phobic hypochondriac must enter a doomed abortion clinic and end it's long forgotten curse to save her."
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Revised, hopefully clearing up any possible (further) confusion.

"When a pregnant woman goes missing, her hospital phobic boyfriend must enter a doomed abortion clinic and end its long forgotten curse to save her."

Sorry Lucius, It was my fault, I think I read it wrong.

However, I still don't see the connection between his escaping the abortion clinic and her curse being lifted.

I could see if she had to escape the clinic by morning how it would work but why doesn't the curse demand he escape for her curse to be lifted?

Sorry, this is my fault.

Why do you assume there are kidnappers?

I have an incident, an action and a goal. Based on these alone, what do I need to include so that this mistake would not be made again?

In order to free his girlfriend, the kidnappers demand her hospital phobic boyfriend escape an abortion clinic by morning.

hope that helped, good luck with this!

In your first question you're basically asking "how does he escape?" Suffice to say, he does, to go into detail would mean telling you the entire story. I'm not going to do that.

To answer your other two questions - When he has escaped, she will have been freed of the curse.

Am I missing these elements in my logline? If so, what would you suggest?

How is his escaping the abortion clinic going to save the woman? When he finally get's out will she be set free by what's holding her? Escape and the woman lives?

Just curious