When a disgraced mermaid crown princess is banished to the human world, her kingdom is thrown into chaos as her wicked sisters scheme to fill the void and only she can stop them.

by Sylia Gray Logliner · 117 pts

This is a heavily revised version of my earlier original logline that I shared here from 2017.

Original:
“On the verge of a succession crisis, a good mermaid princess is banished from her kingdom to the human world for her forbidden love of humans; but when her two wicked sisters usurp their father’s throne and destroy each other in a power struggle to rule the kingdom alone, she must choose between humanity and saving her people from the tyranny of her sisters.”

5 reviews

Odie Samurai · 2,208 pts

From the original, yes, but I would keep "tyrannical" for the sisters in your current - since kingdom centric.

Sylia Gray Logliner · 117 pts

I don't think most people would know what a "merprincess" is though. Thanks for you feedback.

Sylia Gray Logliner · 117 pts

But is it an improvement from my original version?

Odie Samurai · 2,208 pts

Snap, "merprincess" is a thang - per Wiki ;)
“A banished merprincess must return to the sea in order to save Atlantis from her tyrannical sisters”

Odie Samurai · 2,208 pts

It’s a big ocean out there, added “Atlantis” to envision her home and showdown.
Make this yours, leaning towards:
“A banished mermaid princess must return to the sea in order to save Atlantis from her tyrannical sisters”

Keep going, take care.