Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
Titanic: D. S. V.
How could a computer virus kill a person?
What is the "psychological" war that you're talking about?
Condense the beginning:
"While inspecting a high-tech submarine, a (character flaw here) defence officer ..." continue from there.
Words like DOD and PSYOPS are just too much; they confuse the reader instead of clarifying the story for them. The core is that an officer on board a nuclear sub tries to avoid being murdered, right? So get THAT PART working first, then jazz it up afterwards.
How does it look so far?
Episode 000 [00/00/00] 00.
On board the submarine Titanic, a civilian computer technician is seen downloading something into a computer. After he is done, he prepares to leave the boat with his equipment. He is seen being checked by ship security, and then is given permission to disembark.
He heads towards his car, but a limo pulls up by him. The door opens up and a man tells him to get in. As he sits down, the computer technician is asked if the job is completed, to which he replies that it is.
As he proceeds to leave the limo, the unknown man then draws a gun on the technician, kills him; and then has the body placed in his own car.
*INTRO CREDITS*
Heya,
Suggest caution on using a computer virus as a plot device. It really should have some visual.element to it (Remember how badly "Independence day" did this? A floppy disk and a progress bar reading "Uploading Virus"). It can be done though. Alternatives could be
- IIRC Star Trek did this a couple of times, a "computer virus" could be represented by an actual character for the week (via hologram/holodeck), and you've got yourself a real-life villain.
- NCIS might be able to get away with this, as very little time of each episode is spent on the "mechanics" of the crime (which is revealed piece by piece). Much more time is spent on suspects, interactions, false paths etc.
Anyway, I'm a HUGE FAN of anything involving psy-ops, and I've loved every submarine film I've ever seen. Looking forward to seeing the next draft of your logline.
To use Star Wars: Episode VI.
Darth Vader: He will come to me?
The Emperor: I have foreseen it. His compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.
Darth Vader: As you wish.
However, like Palpatine, her ex husband is also mistaken. He tried to use her son to weaken her just like Harper Dearing did when he had her ex-husband released from jail. This time, she will not let her ex get away with it. It is still all psychological. However, that does not mean that she still would not be afraid of what might happen.
Right. However, her ex would try to use that against her. Concider any kidnapping case where the kidnapper uses the person he kidnapped as leverage. In this case, he thinks that she will not try to do anything as long as he has their son. She does not want anything to happen to her son, just like any other parent.
Okay, let me say it straight out: loving your innocent, wholesome kid is not, NOT a character weakness. It's a character STRENGTH.
[During the crisis, the crew manages to get communications up, but barely. They contact NCIS because Gibbs is personally aware of her situation. SEE: NCIS Season 9. Therefore, she is able to provide NCIS with personal information to help them get him. Dr. Ryan, Agent Timothy McGee, and Forensics Scientist Miss Abigail Abby? Sciuto, are doing what they can onboard the sub. Agents Gibbs, DiNozzo, and Bishop, as well as Dr. Donald Ducky? Mallard, work out of NCIS to bring him down.]
[To understand what Dr. Ryan and PsyOps do, we need to understand what her department does. Psychological Operations - Planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to foreign audiences? so as to influence their emotions, motives, objective reasoning, and ultimately the behavior of foreign governments, organizations, groups, and individuals. The purpose of psychological operations is to induce or reinforce foreign attitudes and behavior favorable to the originator's objectives. Also called PSYOP. See also overt peacetime psychological operations programs; perception management. Dictionary of Military and Associated Terms. US Department of Defense 2005. In this case, she knows how her husband thinks. She knows what he is capable of doing. In that way, she can help stop him. "Know your enemy" is a saying derived from Sun Tzu's The Art of War. I looked this up on the internet.]
You have two inciting incidents in your logline
1st: Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine.
2nd: discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board.
That's what makes the logine so long. The second inciting incident seems like the important one
----
"After she discovers her vengeful ex-husband's planted a computer virus on the submarine she's evaluating, a no-nonsense PsyOps agent must destroy the virus to save those aboard."
----
"Destroy the virus" might not be correct but you should put in the logine what she must do in your story to save the day.
9.16 Psych Out - NCIS
The next morning, Dr. Ryan has just dropped her small son off at school for the day when she sees Gibbs leaning against his car. She is shocked and furious to see him there.
"How did you know where my son went to school?" Gibbs is motionless, expressionless.
"His records are all classified!" Our 'functional mute' nods his head in acknowledgement.
"Did you follow me? You following me now? Am I under surveillance, Gibbs?" He remains stock-still.
"You hacked my records! This is *my* *personal* *life*!"
He finally speaks. "PsyOps 101. You approach people at their most vulnerable."
She looks at him with scorn, and then moves back towards her car. "You even the playing field!" Gibbs calls. Without turning around, she calls back. "You don't want to play with me, Gibbs! Trust me."
In Director Vance's office, Dr. Ryan is still furious. She carefully keeps her personal life confidential for a reason. Through gritted teeth, she hisses at Vance. "And my son is off limits!" Gibbs says that his home is off limits as well, and shows her the bug.
Dr. Ryan visits Gibbs at his home. As an opening gift, perhaps by way of apology, she hands him a USB drive that contains recordings of Cranston's sessions with Banks. "She's a quack. No she is not, she is good, and it made listening all the harder. He was in real trouble."
"That your apology about Baxter?"
"I have a job to do. NCIS was looking into a sensitive area at a critical time. We have protocols in place to protect our mission. Part of our rulebook."
"Yeah, well, I got some rules of my own, too. Rule number 42. Don't ever accept an apology from someone that just sucker-punched you."
"I didn't apologize."
Ryan brings up the subject of children. "The other day I was picking up my son, Parker, from soccer practice, and he was walking toward the car, and not once did he look over his shoulder. And that meant everything to me." Tears come to her eyes. "In my job, I take precautions, and I don't know how you found him, but I believe everybody deserves one secret, and I'm asking, you, if I can have this one."
"OK." Gibbs says.
Natural maternal love for one's own flesh and blood son is a character weakness????? Why? How?
She also has a weakness for "Activia". :)
That is just what I am aiming for. The love she has for her son is her weakness. Her personal goal would be to get back into the arms of a certain government agent.
The hero could use a weakness or a more deflned personal goal, I think. The outer conflict is very strong though. Sounds like great suspense!