Another try: Faced with bankruptcy, a down-on-luck man endangers his life by crossing a high-risk territory to get money to pay for his son?s emergency operation.

2 reviews

Gerald 306 pts

Thanks a lot man. Sounds even better though.

Foxtrot25 17,380 pts

"High Risk territory" jumped out at me, so that's good. Even though high-risk can mean many things. Perhaps cut it down a bit.

A bankrupt man ventures into dangerous territory to get money to pay for his son's emergency operation.

And even now, there can be a better version. I don't like using "to" twice in the same sentence.