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When a female biologist visits a canadian mountain to search for bears, she discovers a small village that never had contact with modern civilization since the villagers came from europe in the 17th century, and she has to fight for her life when the mayor thinks she might be a witch and they should burn her.
Female is a poor description for an MC. For starters, you wouldn't describe the MC as male if he were a man. Secondly, 'female' is perfectly generic (it describes half the population in the world) and therefore means nothing in a logline. Best you describe an MC with their major flaw and let the proRead more
Female is a poor description for an MC. For starters, you wouldn’t describe the MC as male if he were a man. Secondly, ‘female’ is perfectly generic (it describes half the population in the world) and therefore means nothing in a logline. Best you describe an MC with their major flaw and let the pronoun inform the reader as to the gender especially seeing as it’s relevant in this case.
The most important thing a logline should do is describe a goal, so what does she do after being accused of witchcraft?
Last note is to shorten it, here is an example:
See lessAfter a biologist stumbles across an isolated village of settlers’ descendants, she is accused of witchcraft by the mayor and must educate the people to save her own life.
After the crew of a huge freight ship sailing from Tunesia to New York opens a container, they discover a group of terrorists.
You are just stating the inciting incident and the first plot point of your story. What happens after they discover the terrorists? What is the goal of your protagonist, as dpg already pointed out above?
You are just stating the inciting incident and the first plot point of your story.
See lessWhat happens after they discover the terrorists? What is the goal of your protagonist, as dpg already pointed out above?
When a paranoid new king starts burning women at the stake, a mysterious outsider must embrace both her destiny and the ancient Hermetic ways to change the course of history.
The second version of the logline is better - it has a specific event as the inciting incident and gives her a goal. You need to take it further than that though. The inciting incident is still disconnected from the MC on a personal level and doesn't seem to directly motivate the MC. I suggest you mRead more
The second version of the logline is better – it has a specific event as the inciting incident and gives her a goal. You need to take it further than that though.
The inciting incident is still disconnected from the MC on a personal level and doesn’t seem to directly motivate the MC. I suggest you make the “…leader…” the MC’s adoptive mother. This way the MC loses the only parent she had and is clearly motivated to seek revenge. That said, revenge is a negative goal for an MC to have so best to redirect her subsequent efforts towards saving other women from the same fate.
My try:
See lessAfter a paranoid king murders the leader of a group of pagan women, her adopted daughter and successor must use the ancient Hermetic ways to destroy the crown and save her people.