1. Posted: June 29, 2023In:

    An Indigenous detective faces off with the unwritten law of nature an eye for an eye. He must immerse in a world of life and death before the hunters become the hunted.

    Richiev Singularity

    After reading your logline, I am unsure what the story is about. You should try writing a second logline using completely different words to tell the story differently. That does not mean your story isn't good, it just means the logline is a tiny bit vague.

    After reading your logline, I am unsure what the story is about.
    You should try writing a second logline using completely different words to tell the story differently.

    That does not mean your story isn’t good, it just means the logline is a tiny bit vague.

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  2. Posted: June 16, 2023In:

    When the identity of a missing girl is reported to be the niece of the head of the CCTV department, she must review the footage to uncover the mystery behind her niece’s disappearance.

    amandis98 Penpusher

    That she just must review the footage to figure out the mystery don't feel like a big enough "must". what are the stakes? what happens if she don't figure it out. if you can see it on the tapes the movie will be over very fast. just some thoughts.

    That she just must review the footage to figure out the mystery don’t feel like a big enough “must”. what are the stakes? what happens if she don’t figure it out. if you can see it on the tapes the movie will be over very fast. just some thoughts.

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  3. Posted: May 11, 2023In:

    During a neighborhood bicycle race a boy must survive the increasing signs of violent, psychopathic behavior of his younger brother.

    Yarsh2468 Penpusher

    Protagonist: Boy Antagonist: younger brother Stakes: The Boy's life / Survival Story Goal: ? I think that your premise has emotional potential, but currently it feels like the emotion is missing (in the logline). I am sure that as a screenwriter you have this story mapped out in your head as to theRead more

    Protagonist: Boy
    Antagonist: younger brother
    Stakes: The Boy’s life / Survival
    Story Goal: ?

    I think that your premise has emotional potential, but currently it feels like the emotion is missing (in the logline). I am sure that as a screenwriter you have this story mapped out in your head as to the emotional predicament of a delusional and dangerous family member. But, in your current logline, it’s emotionless. Possibly something regarding the race could be used to describe the younger brother which would give us an incite into the emotional conflict. “violently jealous” “selfishly psychotic” something in relation to the event of the race like this could be used. Just food for thought, would love a response with a link to the short film when it is made!

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