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  1. Posted: May 29, 2019In: Thriller

    Deleted.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 29, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    Who leads the trio?? Who is the alpha-character?? Whoever that is probably should be the designated protagonist and the logline should be written to focus on that character.>>>their goalsGoals, plural?? Aren't the trio striving for the same goal?? A plot is about the pursuit of a singular gRead more

    Who leads the trio?? Who is the alpha-character?? Whoever that is probably should be the designated protagonist and the logline should be written to focus on that character.

    >>>their goals

    Goals, plural?? Aren’t the trio striving for the same goal?? A plot is about the pursuit of a singular goal, even when it involves multiple characters.

    And? how does “unusual espionage assignment” translate into a concrete, objective goal?? For the purpose of a logline “unusual” isn’t really unusual? because it’s SOP in a thriller for the protagonist to be tasked with an “unusual” assignment.? The objective goal needs to be spelled out.? Be specific. One cannot assume that logline readers are familiar with the book so as to know what the assignment is.? Nor that they will take the effort and time to read the book to find out.? ?For the genre,? the “unusual” assignment is the “game ball ” (as Blake Snyder of “Save the Cat!” fame put it) and a logline needs to show the game ball — not hide it.

    >>>They parted ways when they were children, and only in the strange reality of 1Q84 do they have a chance to find each other again.

    That’s back story, hence extraneous to a logline.? A logline is about the story looking forward in time, not looking back.

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  2. Posted: May 26, 2019In: Thriller

    After aiding the misjudged conviction to those responsible for his families death, an undisputed private investigator has one week to prove their innocence, to save his kidnapped adopted daughter’s life

    lempicka Logliner
    Added an answer on May 29, 2019 at 9:16 pm

    I would start the longline with the character, so 'When a (adjective) private detective...' etc as it makes him seem more active in the story. I wasn't sure from the longline if he'd aided a conviction for the murders, then realised the conviction was false?

    I would start the longline with the character, so ‘When a (adjective) private detective…’ etc as it makes him seem more active in the story. I wasn’t sure from the longline if he’d aided a conviction for the murders, then realised the conviction was false?

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  3. Posted: May 26, 2019In: Thriller

    After the misjudged conviction to those responsible for his families death, an undisputed private investigator has 1week to prove their innocence, or his kidnapped recently adopted daughter dies.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on May 26, 2019 at 12:15 pm

    How will overturning the wrongful conviction save his adopted daughter's life? Just curious. Because it sounds as if what sets the story in motion is when his daughter is kidnapped since the goal of the story is to save her.

    How will overturning the wrongful conviction save his adopted daughter’s life? Just curious.

    Because it sounds as if what sets the story in motion is when his daughter is kidnapped since the goal of the story is to save her.

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