Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When an ATC controller is contacted by the flight on which his troubled younger brother crashed 13 years ago, he must convince the pilot to get his brother on the radio to make amends, and find out why his body was never found.
As written, the logline does not indicate a "Thriller", rather it points to a drama. And that drama is taking place entirely in the man's head as there is no indication anyone else is involved. The only question is why the mental breakdown took so long in coming. If this is not meant to be a story aRead more
As written, the logline does not indicate a “Thriller”, rather it points to a drama. And that drama is taking place entirely in the man’s head as there is no indication anyone else is involved. The only question is why the mental breakdown took so long in coming.
If this is not meant to be a story about one man’s mental struggle with guilt, then the inciting incident must be the appearance of the long lost plane on the ATC’s radar screen. (Maybe the plane disappeared over the ocean and no bodies or wreckage were ever found.) This would put the film in either the sci-fi or supernatural thriller genres. However, planes don’t stay on one tower’s radar screen for very long, either they land or fly on. In this case the main goal has to be to get the plane on the ground and find out where it has been for the last 13 years. Yes, the man wants to reconcile with his brother, but that is a secondary plot line.
I think you have an interesting idea, but the logline needs a clear direction so we know where the story is headed..
See lessA college student and his girlfriend moves to an apartment, spies on their neighbors who happens to be a serial killer only to find out one of them invades their home.
If you are going to do a Rear Window type script, you need to give it a good hook
If you are going to do a Rear Window type script, you need to give it a good hook
See less?A young widow vowed to protect her husband’s sacred family heirloom but later becomes a target of a ruthless adversary who wants to kill her and take the emblem.
Always start with the protagonist. The script itself doesn't start AFTER the inciting incident, so why start the logline with the word "After"? Introduce the character then state what happens to her. The story isn't clear. To what or whom exactly is she devout? Her dead husband? To being a widow? DoRead more
Always start with the protagonist. The script itself doesn’t start AFTER the inciting incident, so why start the logline with the word “After”? Introduce the character then state what happens to her.
The story isn’t clear. To what or whom exactly is she devout? Her dead husband? To being a widow? Doesn’t make sense. Unclear pronouns too; who is “She?” The widow or the enemy? Who has connections to the husband? The wife? Obviously! The enemy? What kind of connection? It’s all too vague, doesn’t provide a sense of what the story is actually about, is awkwardly phrased, and is a bit too long: 20-25 words is best, definitely no more than 30.
How else can the protagonist be described? Since “devout” has no clear meaning here, what is it about this woman which makes her interesting? What is she besides a widow? Is she old, young, middle-aged? Give us an idea of the state of her life without stating her age outright. How does her husband’s death relate to her current situation? You said it was violent, so that sounds like a murder, but why is this person also after her? Or is that the mystery? If so, make that clear. Tell us the story is about her solving the mystery of her husband’s murder while trying to prevent her own.
As for secrets laying in his grave, is that meant to be symbolic or literal? Was he buried with some sort of clue, or is this about what secrets he took with him to his grave? It’s all very unclear, and a logline is supposed to intrigue a reader enough to want to read more, not force us to ask questions just to understand the story.
See less