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  1. Posted: May 29, 2020In: Thriller

    A man is seduced into robbing his lover’s psychotic boyfriend, when he does, they go on the run – but soon question whether they can trust each other.

    thedarkhorse Samurai
    Added an answer on June 6, 2020 at 1:54 am

    Hi Craig,My apologies for a late reply.I think I need to outline and think it through.INTENTION - love/money.OBSTACLE - love/money.I'd rather have one clear specific goal here. And one clear formidable obstacle.The ongoing thing/through-line (?) of love vs money is interesting though.My idea was toRead more

    Hi Craig,

    My apologies for a late reply.

    I think I need to outline and think it through.

    INTENTION – love/money.

    OBSTACLE – love/money.

    I’d rather have one clear specific goal here. And one clear formidable obstacle.

    The ongoing thing/through-line (?) of love vs money is interesting though.

    My idea was to do something whereby there is constantly suspense – whether that character is after love or money. Perhaps give them a gun with one bullet. The whole thing – just two people on the run, etc.

    Hmm – kind of like TRUE ROMANCE meets THE TREASURE OF SIERRA MADRE.

    That idea doesn’t exactly shine in the above logline.

    Thank you for your thoughts.

    THD

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  2. Posted: June 4, 2020In: Television, Thriller

    When a meek chemistry teacher is diagnosed with lung cancer, he must earn $740,000 by cooking meth to provide for his family after his death.

    Best Answer
    Odie Samurai
    Added an answer on June 6, 2020 at 12:43 am

    Good stuff Karel, here's my no comma spin. A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.

    Good stuff Karel, here’s my no comma spin.

    A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.

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  3. Posted: May 14, 2020In: Thriller

    It’s 2151 and a bio scientist finds herself in the middle of the largest coverup in history. She begins a race against time to expose her former CEO?s deceit or else mankind changes forever.

    mrliteral Samurai
    Added an answer on June 1, 2020 at 2:02 am

    Still not making any sense and has extraneous apostrophes. Why does it matter what year it is? There's nothing else described here which couldn't be happening right now. Why does it matter that she's timid? How does this character trait affect her actions, conflicts, and situations within the story?Read more

    Still not making any sense and has extraneous apostrophes. Why does it matter what year it is? There’s nothing else described here which couldn’t be happening right now.

    Why does it matter that she’s timid? How does this character trait affect her actions, conflicts, and situations within the story? Where is the irony of this issue? Why is she racing against time? What’s setting that time limit, what’s the rush?

    What you’re doing here is introducing ideas without making it clear why they’re a part of the story, thus, we don’t get a clear idea of the story.

    Even more unclear is the latter part: who’s going to be controlling society? The artificial humans? Why is that bad? Or does the CEO want control? Why? How’s that going to affect people?

    Like I said, the ideas are presented but not the story. Tell us the basics of what happens in the first half. And proofread the apostrophes.

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