1. Posted: October 15, 2015In:

    When two personalities, a meek family man and a violent assassin, become aware they’re sharing the same mind and body, they work together to find the organisation that created them, but they’re both secretly planning to have the other erased to survive.

    StellaAurora Logliner

    Sounds cool! What's the goal though? From this logline, I have no idea what the main character wants. Is it to get back to his family? Then write that in the logline. And what must he do to get back? Fight of this alternate personality of his (fight himself basically). I feel like the logline only dRead more

    Sounds cool!

    What’s the goal though? From this logline, I have no idea what the main character wants. Is it to get back to his family? Then write that in the logline. And what must he do to get back? Fight of this alternate personality of his (fight himself basically).

    I feel like the logline only discribes the first act of the film, that the inciting incident is when he finds out his kidnapper isn’t real. What happens next?

    Hope this helped! 🙂

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  2. Posted: October 13, 2015In:

    Bored with his isolated and monotonous life, an apathetic psychologist decides to intentionally go crazy by killing someone at random, believing that if the guilt doesn’t make him go crazy, the asylum to where he will be sent for having no reason for his cruel act will.

    FFF Mentor

    I like the goal, I like the idea. Hello, there is a very good movie vaguely related to his idea: Edmond http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443496/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_38 I think that the final part of the logline could be cut ("believing that if the guilt doesn?t make him go crazy, the asylum to where he wilRead more

    I like the goal, I like the idea.

    Hello, there is a very good movie vaguely related to his idea: Edmond
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443496/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_38

    I think that the final part of the logline could be cut (“believing that if the guilt doesn?t make him go crazy, the asylum to where he will be sent for having no reason for his cruel act will”), because it’s explanation instead of plot.

    You could also find a precise inciting event that put the story in motion (be bored is a bit vague)… Can you think of a visuel event that can make the character realize how bored he is? Maybe his mother dies and he feels nothing (like in “the stranger” by Camus that you should read to get inspiration).

    Then you need to find a clear source of conflict… what force opposes to his plan? He’s bored, he stabs to death the first person on the street, end of the story?

    Find an inciting event, find a source of conflict and you’ll have a very good logline!

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  3. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    A paranoid security consultant is contacted by an unknown woman claiming he?s the target of an organisation that makes assassinations look like accidents, however, as he struggles to discover why he?s been targeted, he?s confronted with conflicting stories of his own actions.

    dpg Singularity

    When a milquetoast delivery man discovers he's the target of an assassination plot he has 24 hours to discover who is after him, why, and how to stop them.? (29 words) "Milquetoast" rather than "Paranoid" because the latter entails the possibility he could be fantasizing the whole conspiracy.? And iRead more

    When a milquetoast delivery man discovers he’s the target of an assassination plot he has 24 hours to discover who is after him, why, and how to stop them.? (29 words)

    “Milquetoast” rather than “Paranoid” because the latter entails the possibility he could be fantasizing the whole conspiracy.? And if that’s the final reveal — that’s all in his head — well, imho, it’s not nice to fool an audience like that unless you’ve got some really clever way to fool them and make them enjoy being played for dupes.?? And if you do, good luck.

    “Delivery man” rather than “security consultant ” to create more suspense, more mystery — why is?the most innocuous of men, the least likely candidate for an assassination being targeted?

    fwiw

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