1. Posted: March 4, 2016In:

    The hunt for a spy takes a twist when an innocent bystander in a public park is mistaken for a government agent. (short film)

    kbfilmworks Samurai

    Thanks, guys. I think 'everybody mistakes everybody else' hits the nail on the head. Revised Logline: In a game of kill or be killed, an innocent bystander is mistakenly identified as an enemy agent by a spy who is himself desperate to evade identification.

    Thanks, guys. I think ‘everybody mistakes everybody else’ hits the nail on the head.

    Revised Logline: In a game of kill or be killed, an innocent bystander is mistakenly identified as an enemy agent by a spy who is himself desperate to evade identification.

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  2. Posted: March 7, 2016In:

    A suicidal teen gets abducted from her boring life and is forced to compete in the ninetieth Trials, a coldhearted AI?s quest to build an elite army disguised as a three-staged competition for entertainment.

    dpg Singularity

    Why not make it seduction instead of abduction?The kid is enticed into a contest that promises fabulous rewards? -fame, fortune, etc. ? Ergo, the teen would have a strong, positive emotion to play the game.?(This?revision?is still all stick no carrot.? The "Hunger Games" -- to which your?concept?wilRead more

    Why not make it seduction instead of abduction?

    The kid is enticed into a contest that promises fabulous rewards? -fame, fortune, etc. ? Ergo, the teen would have a strong, positive emotion to play the game.?

    (This?revision?is still all stick no carrot.? The “Hunger Games” — to which your?concept?will inevitably be compared to — ?offered a stick and a carrot.? I think you need to give your?character hope — a false hope — ?but at?least an initial?positive motivation to participate.)

    And then the teen finds out when it’s too late to back out that she? (and others) have been?suckered into an AI conspiracy.

    She can still be suicidal, btw.

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  3. Posted: March 6, 2016In:

    When a 2 star Michelin chef is blackmailed by a cannibal, he must source the finest of human flesh for a feast to beat all feasts, or risk the cannibal revealing a secret that will ruin his credibility and his business.

    dpg Singularity

    Maybe something like:Blackmailed by a cannibal with a secret that will destory his life, a Michelin chef must source a meal from the finest human flesh, a glamorous model, to avoid being exposed. And then the?"meal" ?falls in love with him. (40?words)Anyway, the premise has interesting possibilitiesRead more

    Maybe something like:

    Blackmailed by a cannibal with a secret that will destory his life, a Michelin chef must source a meal from the finest human flesh, a glamorous model, to avoid being exposed. And then the?”meal” ?falls in love with him.
    (40?words)

    Anyway, the premise has interesting possibilities.? Good luck.

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