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When she’s falsely accused of witchcraft, a clairvoyant mute is forced to flee for her life with her telepathic 9-year-old son, and must find sanctuary in a foreign country tormented by a bizarre infirmity – despite an ill-fated future she had seen.
Why is she forced to flee?? To save her life, right???That?is? what is at? stake. ?So "...forced to flee for her life..."I don't see why it has to be marauding villagers.? It's perfectly credible to me that she's been branded, persecuted is in danger of being killed by her own? community, her own viRead more
Why is she forced to flee?? To save her life, right???That?is? what is at? stake. ?So “…forced to flee for her life…”
I don’t see why it has to be marauding villagers.? It’s perfectly credible to me that she’s been branded, persecuted is in danger of being killed by her own? community, her own village.?? But it’s your story; maybe you have some theme or issue in mind that I don’t apprehend.
As I said, for me the strongest element– the hook– is not the exotic locale, nor the particular attributes of her antagonists, but? the mother-son relationship.
See lessA down and out door-to-door salesman who wears a fake cast to gain sympathy and win a sale, knocks on the wrong door and is taken hostage by a woman’s deranged boyfriend. He must find untapped courage to save himself and the woman before times runs out.
When a failing door-to-door salesman?is taken hostage by a deranged customer, he has 2 hours to make the sale of his life-? a pitch??to save his life. (30 words)The fake cast is a good prop gimmick, his last desperate attempt to win sales through pity.? And it strengthens the story to have a stake cRead more
When a failing door-to-door salesman?is taken hostage by a deranged customer, he has 2 hours to make the sale of his life-? a pitch??to save his life.
(30 words)
The fake cast is a good prop gimmick, his last desperate attempt to win sales through pity.? And it strengthens the story to have a stake character (the wife) who’s life he must also save.? But I don’t deem them essential to the?logline.?? Is the fake cast?a story hook?? Not for me.? Is?a wife in mortal danger a story hook?? Not for me.
For me the story hook is?irony.??A lousy salesman?must?become a super salesman for the most important product of all –his own life.? He must overcome his character flaw, the?reason he’s a failure: he doesn’t believe in himself, in his own worth.
This concept has legs.? Run with it.? Good luck.
See lessA meek pharmacist falsely accused of an accidental death has to search for clues to the whereabouts of his kidnapped daughter in the tattoos of customers of a tattoo artist, who abducted her as revenge, before time runs out.
Hello, I think there s a story here! A good one! I ?understand dgp's point about the need of 1 goal, but in my opinion the problem is just in the writing form, not in the structure of the story. In other words, I don t think this logline is well written but you have all the elements so it s just a mRead more
Hello, I think there s a story here! A good one! I ?understand dgp’s point about the need of 1 goal, but in my opinion the problem is just in the writing form, not in the structure of the story. In other words, I don t think this logline is well written but you have all the elements so it s just a matter of working with the words to make clear that the main goal is to find the daughter using the tattoos and at the same time he needs to escape from the police. And i feel like in the end, he s really responsible for the death of his patient, maybe someone related with the tattooo artist? I would peek an anesthetic doctor rather than a pharmacist, with drug problems too. And he can use his drug skills to get informations for his quest. Anyway, i think you should polish your logline. I m positive about the fact that the kidnapping and the accidental dezth must be subtely linked to have a killer logline.
See lessOne ladt thing, you have no idea about how many daughters have been kidnapped on this website, and how many falsely accused men, so be sure to use this cliches in a clever way. I think that theese elements can work in yor story but be carefull.