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  1. Posted: March 23, 2016In: Thriller

    In The City – A dirty cop with a gambling debt he must pay off with 24 hours forces a fast-talking criminal to take him to a lockbox full of cash he claims is stashed somewhere in the city.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 23, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Given that in the U.S. cops as a group have a serious public image problem, are widely despised and distrusted, why would an audience?lay?out $10-$12 and invest 90-120 minutes of their precious time in a story about ?a dirty one?What is there about this dirty cop that would induce them to see the moRead more

    Given that in the U.S. cops as a group have a serious public image problem, are widely despised and distrusted, why would an audience?lay?out $10-$12 and invest 90-120 minutes of their precious time in a story about ?a dirty one?

    What is there about this dirty cop that would induce them to see the movie, let alone?sympathize with his predicament, condone his methods, root for him to succeed??

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  2. Posted: March 21, 2016In: Thriller

    When a young mother encounters a random woman in a crowd, she is mysteriously filled with an unceasing desire to kill her, and must do so before the other woman kills her first.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 23, 2016 at 6:25 am

    I suggest? it might help if the logline were to play the concept of a? hate mate against that?of a soul mate to cue readers, help them grasp your story conceit.? For example, something like:After a?woman?loses her soul mate to?cancer, she discovers her hate mate, a woman whom she?has the overwhelminRead more

    I suggest? it might help if the logline were to play the concept of a? hate mate against that?of a soul mate to cue readers, help them grasp your story conceit.? For example, something like:

    After a?woman?loses her soul mate to?cancer, she discovers her hate mate, a woman whom she?has the overwhelming?desire to kill as strong as her desire was to love.

    (Or her hate mate could be a man. Whatever.)

    As I posted earlier, I think?the hook of the story is the hate mate concept.??From her overwhelming desire arises her objective goal: to kill her.??The dramatic question is:? will she follow through, will she succeed in killing the hated other? (That the goal is negative?does not disqualify it?from being a valid objective goal.)?

    I think you can squeeze a lot of suspense out of the concept.? Best wishes.

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  3. Posted: March 20, 2016In: Thriller

    A fledgling detective pursues a serial killer who killed her mother, getting assistance from beyond the grave, but is overwhelmed by panic attacks when she gets too close.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 21, 2016 at 8:18 am

    I think the ghostly help is counterproductive for the reasons cited.??And I'll throw out another reason derived from? E.M. Forster's durable classic "Aspects of the Novel".?? What he says about writing novels? is applicable to screenwriting. The chapter on plotting is filled with nuggets of pure golRead more

    I think the ghostly help is counterproductive for the reasons cited.??And I’ll throw out another reason derived from? E.M. Forster’s durable classic “Aspects of the Novel”.?? What he says about writing novels? is applicable to screenwriting. The chapter on plotting is filled with nuggets of pure gold for screenwriters.

    What is a logline?? Answer:? a logline is a summary of the plot.

    What is a plot? Per E.M.?Forster, a plot is a conspiracy against the protagonist.

    In order to achieve his?goal, the protagonist must overcome the opposing?goal of?a host?of opponents and obstacles, that goal being to?defeat and destroy the protagonist.

    In this logline, the “panics attacks” is part of the conspiracy to defeat and destroy the detective.? That’s good.? But having?the benefit of “ghostly clues” is a conspiracy to help the detective. Which is contrary to the purpose of a plot.

    That’s why I think it vitiates the plot, dilutes suspense, weakens the character, and cheapens the detective’s eventual (I presume) success.

    Exception:? if the serial killer also has access to ghostly or supernatural powers?(if that’s?the real cause of the ?panic attacks, for example) ?then I have no problem with ghostly help — as long as it appears that the serial killer has a winning edge, ?more potent supernatural resources? to draw upon than the detective.

    ?But there’s nothing in the logline that explicitly confers that?resource on the serial killer as it does for the benefit of the?detective.

    fwiw.

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