1. Posted: June 9, 2016In:

    I.E.D is a dramatic thriller about an environmental engineer taken hostage and forced to pilot a car rigged with explosives across country. Now he must escape his captor before this rolling bomb reaches it?s destination – transcontinental oil pipeline.

    Richiev Singularity

    As pointed out, there seems to be a problem with the internal logic of the story.An intercontinental pipeline would be very long, after all it spans two continents. There would be no way to guard it all. So if someone could hurt it with a bomb they could do it at their leisure. They could simply plaRead more

    As pointed out, there seems to be a problem with the internal logic of the story.

    An intercontinental pipeline would be very long, after all it spans two continents. There would be no way to guard it all. So if someone could hurt it with a bomb they could do it at their leisure. They could simply plant the bomb and walk away. Kidnapping someone and having a car bomb just seems like a lot of trouble to do an easy task.

    Therefore, why kidnap someone? If that isn’t answered in the logline the story won’t make sense.

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  2. Posted: June 7, 2016In:

    EDITED: A frustrated former big-city journalist, now stuck writing for her hometown paper, exploits a local college football scandal to re-jump start her career, but the situation quickly escalates when it threatens to expose her family?s secrets

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Post edit, most of the same comments still apply. What is the goal, in detail, that the main character needs to achieve? How will she know her career has been jump started? Is it a Pulitzer prize she must win? Or a specific job offer she is after with one of the bigger news outlets? What ever it isRead more

    Post edit, most of the same comments still apply.

    What is the goal, in detail, that the main character needs to achieve? How will she know her career has been jump started? Is it a Pulitzer prize she must win? Or a specific job offer she is after with one of the bigger news outlets? What ever it is it needs to be specified?in the logline.

    Why is she desperate now? What?s the inciting incident that motivates her to need to jump start her career? This needs clarification in the logline.

    Generic descriptions such as ??connected to the local, powerhouse college football program.? should be avoided, as they lack details necessary for a clear plot description.

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  3. Posted: June 6, 2016In:

    In 1951,a physicist tasked with designing an early thermonuclear bomb, has a lesbian affair with her young lab assistant.She’s determined to complete the difficult design while struggling for survival when she discovers her lover to be a ruthless Soviet spy

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    There appear to be two potential plots here;1 - Lover turns out to be a spy and the scientist must choose to either turn her in or save her then act on her choice. = inciting incident is spy discovery her goal is to protect the love interest.2 - A hydrogen bomb is needed the scientist must fight bigRead more

    There appear to be two potential plots here;

    1 – Lover turns out to be a spy and the scientist must choose to either turn her in or save her then act on her choice. = inciting incident is spy discovery her goal is to protect the love interest.

    2 – A hydrogen bomb is needed the scientist must fight bigotry and sexism to achieve her goal of creating a bomb.= inciting incident is given the task to create a bomb, her goal is to make a bomb.

    Best you chose one of these as the central/A plot and focus the logline accordingly.

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