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  1. Posted: July 6, 2016In: Thriller

    A bipolar divorcee blackmails a self-absorbed family man to keep their affair alive and reignite her sex drive when he suddenly disowns her.

    Marcello Lanfranchi Logliner
    Added an answer on July 8, 2016 at 3:57 am

    Just one suggestion: "after he disowns her," not "when."

    Just one suggestion: “after he disowns her,” not “when.”

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  2. Posted: July 5, 2016In: Thriller

    A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.

    Best Answer
    Knightrider Mentor
    Added an answer on July 6, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    I like the start, but in a strange way I then think the premise gets sidetracked. It almost feels like two different stories. It feels like it should either become a mistaken identity story, whereby as he used the card those after the real spy, but have no idea what he looks like, come for this guyRead more

    I like the start, but in a strange way I then think the premise gets sidetracked. It almost feels like two different stories. It feels like it should either become a mistaken identity story, whereby as he used the card those after the real spy, but have no idea what he looks like, come for this guy or he starts using it to live the spy lifestyle, only to be caught up in a real plot.

    The premise could work, as I assume the dummy card is actually a government device to be used on the real spy’s mission, which is meant to be abroad so when he uses it, will bring down the system. Now the spy not wanting to admit his mistake teams up with the person who stole it to disable the virus before it reaches it’s activation point (Which could be a spread level) I guess, for me, your current one feels disjointed however I think with some focus on why these characters would work together then it’ll work for the bigger picture.

    Hope that makes sense

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  3. Posted: July 4, 2016In: Thriller

    When a nice holiday cruise turns bloody, a detective is able to eliminate the murderer after his son surrenders himself to lead the detective straight to her.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 4, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    As Nir Shelter said, ?it's confusing. And it seems to give away the ending, the solution to murder, something a logline should not do. ?A logline implicitly raises a dramatic question, but it never answers it.

    As Nir Shelter said, ?it’s confusing.

    And it seems to give away the ending, the solution to murder, something a logline should not do. ?A logline implicitly raises a dramatic question, but it never answers it.

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