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  1. Posted: July 8, 2016In: Thriller

    When a nice holiday cruise turns bloody, a detective and failed parent must take down the threat and regain his self-worth.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on July 9, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    There does need to be a driving factor, a goal. Getting back your self worth is an outcome not really a goal.

    There does need to be a driving factor, a goal. Getting back your self worth is an outcome not really a goal.

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  2. Posted: July 8, 2016In: Thriller

    When a bitten-to-death passenger is found dead in his cabin, a dad with son-issues aspires to catch the killer and redeem himself to his son.

    Dkpough1 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on July 9, 2016 at 9:35 am

    "Because for the purpose of a logline and a plot, a protagonist should only have 1 objective goal" In this case, I think it matters how you view these, because in reality they could be viewed as only part of a larger goal: to balance work and personal life. In that case repairing the marriage and doRead more

    “Because for the purpose of a logline and a plot, a protagonist should only have 1 objective goal”
    In this case, I think it matters how you view these, because in reality they could be viewed as only part of a larger goal: to balance work and personal life. In that case repairing the marriage and doing the job are only steps to take to get to the goal. Just as in real life, most people’s goal is to live life to the , but everything else falls under that. But in a story is it too broad? I think in that case the focus goes on the trials the person faces to achieve that grand goal. In this case, having to be able to do the job and keep the marriage together.
    Anyway, I still stand by my earlier stance where I said seeing the protagonist losing at the end would be refreshing compared to all the happy endings..

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  3. Posted: July 6, 2016In: Thriller

    Using stolen prediction software a cocksure hacker makes a fortune in sports bets, but when it predicts his death within three days, he must find out how he dies without dying in the process.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 8, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    The description of him needing to find the killer?as his goal definitely helps. However the kill or be killed paradigm is, by no stretch of the marination, original in story telling in general and films in particular. I wonder can you give him a peculiar job, personality quirk?or condition?of existeRead more

    The description of him needing to find the killer?as his goal definitely helps. However the kill or be killed paradigm is, by no stretch of the marination, original in story telling in general and films in particular. I wonder can you give him a peculiar job, personality quirk?or condition?of existence that would make the fight more interesting and his action clear?

    Here is an example of what I mean:

    In the film In Time the MC knows, beyond a doubt, how long he has to live. This is a condition of his existence, a “world rule” if you will, we know this as we experience with him his mother’s death due to the same rule?of that world’s reality.
    But! It’s not just the limited time span due to the “world rule” that the story focuses on, rather the class separation in society that?determines who gets access to more time and who dies. Therefore the MC had to infiltrate a high society of rich people to steal?more life time, he was a (spoiler alert) Robin Hood of sorts – his main action is clear.

    In your story you have the setup for the problem, but little explanation of how the problem will be solved. The main character needing to find and kill another person to save his own skin doesn’t sound interesting enough in 2016 as a premise, it needs an additional layer and an original action.

    Also the concept runs the risk of making him unlikable, sure he wants to survive, but is the program 100% guaranteed to have an accurate prediction?

    In the military it was drilled into us that we must take all necessary action to stop a genuine and immediate threat to human life, whether in the field or in civilian life. Our commanders would go on to emphasise first that the threat must be genuine, and only then explain what necessary action means.
    Point is, your MC has a mostly accurate program telling him how he will die, but it isn’t a “world rule” for him that the prediction is indeed genuinely 100% true. Perhaps best if he investigates his future murder, and only after finding evidence that it is going to happen does he take action.

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