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After a sorcerer kills her father, a sheltered princes must search for her exiled enchantress mother in order to learn the forbidden arts and save her people from the usurper
Describe one inciting incident and one goal, or else the plot will seem fragmented. The father's murder is the greater motivator of the two so mention only that, and freeing her people is more compelling than her rising to the throne. The MC description is strange and unrelated to the plot,?whetherRead more
Describe one inciting incident and one goal, or else the plot will seem fragmented.
The father’s murder is the greater motivator of the two so mention only that, and freeing her people is more compelling than her rising to the throne.
The MC description is strange and unrelated to the plot,?whether she’s desired for her money, looks or blood line, it makes no difference – her goal is to free her people from a tyrant.
My suggestion:
After a tyrant kills her father an exiled princess must team up with her witch mother to lead her people in a revolt.
23 words.
See lessAfter giving a tape showing a ritual killing to a deputy. Both the tape and the deputy go missing. When he finds more tapes he needs to get them to the police and survive attacks from unknown individuals. PS: small town, he thinks the cops are involved.
Everyone has made the points I could -- make it flow better, get it down to an appropriate length etc. etc. I want to give you a positive: The title works for me because it conjures the image of the kids cartoon but your logline isn't at all. Great irony, nice work.
Everyone has made the points I could — make it flow better, get it down to an appropriate length etc. etc.
I want to give you a positive: The title works for me because it conjures the image of the kids cartoon but your logline isn’t at all. Great irony, nice work.
See lessA young spirited girl acts as guardian to her transgender friend as they go through the tribulations of a small town society. On one unbelievable evening and at great cost the girl transcends as a savior and etches her passion of friendship in time and memory.
As the others said. The ?protagonist's cause is a worthy one, but, alas, the logline frames a setup, a situation for a plot, but not an actual plot. ?It's long on hyperbole "unbelievable", "at great cost", "transcends". "etchers her passion", but ?short on specifics. You might want to study the guidRead more
As the others said.
The ?protagonist’s cause is a worthy one, but, alas, the logline frames a setup, a situation for a plot, but not an actual plot. ?It’s long on hyperbole “unbelievable”, “at great cost”, “transcends”. “etchers her passion”, but ?short on specifics.
You might want to study the guidelines for constructing an industry standard logline under “Training” at the top of the web page.
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