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sorry… just wanted to delete and couldn’t see how…
It's too long, you can close this down by half if you focus on the points made previously from other reviews about event and action. You have to choose which is the event, the father being released or the girlfriend disappearing? Choose one. What action does he take to try and fix this event? In theRead more
It’s too long, you can close this down by half if you focus on the points made previously from other reviews about event and action. You have to choose which is the event, the father being released or the girlfriend disappearing? Choose one. What action does he take to try and fix this event? In the updated logline you’ve provided, no action exists. Ambiguity should’t be in there, you’ve kind of set up the 1st act but as an outsider, I have no idea what action would be taken in the second and most important act, which makes up the majority of the film.
See lessA Gladiator Winner searches for his banished parents to re-take the throne from his own blood after learning he was left for dead
What DPG wrote. Also I'll add that the key to a good logline is clarity - something sorely lacking in this instance. I don't want?to sound mean, however the sentence structure and order of the descriptions are simply very?confusing, and require multiple reads to make sense of. Think of a logline asRead more
What DPG wrote.
Also I’ll add that the key to a good logline is clarity – something sorely lacking in this instance. I don’t want?to sound mean, however the sentence structure and order of the descriptions are simply very?confusing, and require multiple reads to make sense of.
Think of a logline as a guid to helping the reader?follow the bouncing ball of your narrative. It needs to be a simple description of a dramatic need, obstacle and goal.
For example:
See lessA bad thing happens to a flawed character motivating him to take action to achieve a compelling goal. Now replace the words of this sentence with the events and SIMPLE descriptions of your story, but keep the order.
A savvy, overly confident uni student sets up a food delivery business as a front for drug trafficking, but when his operation is exposed he fakes his death on a hiking trip, but one detective won?t accept his disappearance until the search reveals his body, dead or alive.
Those were all really great comments guys and really makes me think about my character and how I can make him more interesting, there's a strong reaction from the drug dealer angle which is interesting given that there my exposure to that world hasn't always been what you would expect. The story wasRead more
Those were all really great comments guys and really makes me think about my character and how I can make him more interesting, there’s a strong reaction from the drug dealer angle which is interesting given that there my exposure to that world hasn’t always been what you would expect. The story was inspired by an interview I did years ago, an young Asian uni student who became involved in the infamous Asian Triad gang that in Sydney, he was caught, found God (it was for Uniting Care). He wanted a glitzy lifestyle that he saw on telly but fortunately managed to come turn his life around. It was a growing up experience for him and I thought in that way his character was relatable, he knew what he was doing but he also realised what the opportunity cost was to his life to his state of mind.
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