Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When demons plan to steal the devils throne, a greedy rich lawyer dealing for his soul is the only one able to do something about it.
The allusion to Dr. Faustus was obvious. ?And you are correct to assert that a protagonist doesn't always have to be initially sympathetic, that he can be an anti-hero as long as he is interesting, compelling, competent. ?So that the audience can have the perverse, ?but very real -- and bankable --Read more
The allusion to Dr. Faustus was obvious. ?And you are correct to assert that a protagonist doesn’t always have to be initially sympathetic, that he can be an anti-hero as long as he is interesting, compelling, competent. ?So that the audience can have the perverse, ?but very real — and bankable — voyeuristic ?pleasure of watching someone being very good at being very bad. ? Like Frank Underwood.
(Or if a comedy, the voyeuristic/sadistic pleasure of laughing at the folly that flows from his flaws.)
Anyway, now it’s clearer what constitutes the the hook of the story: a cabal of demons usurp the Devil to jump start the apocalypse. ?That’s not a bad hook. ?
However, of all the 7 billion people plus on the planet ?in danger of dying, what makes the lawyer the only one qualified to stop it?
He’s rich and greedy — attributes that reflect his back story, that got him to where he is when this story opens, right? But what purpose will rich and greedy serve in driving the plot of your story? ?Frank Underwood’s character flaw, his ruthless ambition, is what drives the series, what is played out in the?present?tense of every episode. How is being rich and greedy going to drive the plot of this story?
What voyeuristic pleasure does this logline promise the reader of the script, the viewer of the film?
(And have you thought about writing this as a comedy? What’s the theme you wish to work out by playing the action out as a thriller?)
fwiw
See lessWhen the world?s deepest secrets start to become public knowledge, a disenfranchised former FBI profiler is thrust into an escalating situation where those with the most to lose will do anything to keep their secrets and humanity must face the ultimate test.
I think the main problem is that you don't share much of what is going on, replacing actual events with vague expressions: what are the "world's deepest secrets?" Any particular conspiracy? Many of them? Why not pick one and state it? Also, an "escalating situation" is totally redundant; in every moRead more
I think the main problem is that you don’t share much of what is going on, replacing actual events with vague expressions:
If you don’t make it more specific, its title can?be “Every Political Conspiracy Thriller after DaVinci Code.”
And one note on style: “disenfranchised” is redundant, since you state “former,” right?
Cheers.
See lessSeeing her father assassinated, Princess escapes to search the land for her exiled mother to learn the djinn arts to take revenge and save her people.?
I like Nir's ?version, too, because it gives the antagonist equivalent power. ??He's a sorcerer as knowledgeable the magical arts as must become. ?Consequently, ?just acquiring skill in the magical arts doesn't guarantee the princess inevitable success, make it a slam dunk that she will succeed.?
I like Nir’s ?version, too, because it gives the antagonist equivalent power. ??He’s a sorcerer as knowledgeable the magical arts as must become. ?Consequently, ?just acquiring skill in the magical arts doesn’t guarantee the princess inevitable success, make it a slam dunk that she will succeed.?
See less