1. Posted: October 26, 2016In:

    When an anonymous series of leaks takes down an illegal arms deal, a former FBI profiler must find the source before the private assassins of a corrupt politician. Coming to terms with the source will force the human race to address the deepest held beliefs and divisions in a world where there can be no secrets.

    DavidI Logliner

    With the second half removed, the logline promises a great political thriller in store. While intriguing, you might want to consider reordering the first few words, i.e, "When a series of anonymous leaks" as opposed to "When an anonymous series of leaks". ?A bit of nitpicking, I know, but it might rRead more

    With the second half removed, the logline promises a great political thriller in store. While intriguing, you might want to consider reordering the first few words, i.e, “When a series of anonymous leaks” as opposed to “When an anonymous series of leaks”. ?A bit of nitpicking, I know, but it might read a?little better. Good luck with the script!

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  2. Posted: October 29, 2016In:

    Two overly curious high-schooler use their new found psychic power to investigate a flawlessly executed homicide, unknowingly by them that the murderer also possesses such prowess who uses it to hunt them down, which results in a run and chase in both physical and sub-conscious world.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with DPG. I'll add that the logline contains too many descriptions. In its current structure and length, it's hard to make out the plot and main character. Best you simplify the logline down to a clear description of a single course of action taken by a single main character, any subsequent rRead more

    Agreed with DPG.

    I’ll add that the logline contains too many descriptions. In its current structure and length, it’s hard to make out the plot and main character.

    Best you simplify the logline down to a clear description of a single course of action taken by a single main character, any subsequent reactions? by other characters are unnecessary in the logline.

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  3. Posted: October 27, 2016In:

    When a researcher creates a technology that can see anything from the last twenty four hours, a former FBI profiler must find him before the private assassins of a corrupt politician he exposed.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    JasonF:You are correct that usually a logline should not contain spoilers.However, after reading your comments, it still seems to me that the scientist has more skin in the game. ?The profiler only has his reputation at stake. ?The scientist has his life. ?For the purpose of dramatic suspense in a tRead more

    JasonF:

    You are correct that usually a logline should not contain spoilers.

    However, after reading your comments, it still seems to me that the scientist has more skin in the game. ?The profiler only has his reputation at stake. ?The scientist has his life. ?For the purpose of dramatic suspense in a thriller movie, life always trumps reputation.

    And he still seems to be the more interesting character with the greater character arc. ?Describing him as “naive” means he has a lot of growing up to do in coming to terms with the consequences of his invention — and his own talent. ?In comparison, what’s the character arc of the FBI profiler other than getting to vindicate himself, prove to everyone else he was right all along.

    ?(Vindication is a worthy dramatic motivation, of course — but in this story, ?I get a sense of a stronger emotional catharsis and cognitive closure in the arc of the scientist. ?The story motif of the “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” comes to mind.)

    And the hook of your story is the technology — not the profiling. The ability to have an omniscient view of recent events?completely overwhelms the importance of the role of the FBI character. ?Which is not to say the FBI character cannot be a key player , but the technology is the sizzle, the strongest selling point of the concept. It’s the McGuffin, the thing everyone in the story wants.

    (Minor quibble: he’s lecturing FBI trainees not “students”. And if he’s lecturing, he’s still actively employed by the FBI. He’s just been pulled from field work. )

    fwiw

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