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Edited logline: After being physically abused, a terrified women sets in motion her plan to trap her abusive husband after he draws a gun on her. – Short Script
It's clearer, but it could use a little more polish. ?Trap, literally? ?Trap, how? ?What is her objective? ?To trap him in the woods so that she can get her revenge? ?Or trap him so that she can turn him over to the police?And if his drawing a gun on her is the tipping point, the inciting incident tRead more
It’s clearer, but it could use a little more polish. ?Trap, literally? ?Trap, how? ?What is her objective? ?To trap him in the woods so that she can get her revenge? ?Or trap him so that she can turn him over to the police?
And if his drawing a gun on her is the tipping point, the inciting incident that triggers her to take action (finally), then it needs to be at the beginning of the logline rather than the end. ?Something like:
“When a violently abusive husband draws a gun on his wife, she…”
Well, what? ?What does she do? ?What must she (finally) do to stop the abuse, save her life?
See lessWhen a disgraced Intel decodes a Commanders Tweets, conscious to inform his ex-handlers and save his country, but getting pass a new Command chain can risk his life.
As noted, the logline is short on specifics. The inciting incident needs to be more specific. That is, what is there about the tweets that commands the attention and concern? And what specifically must he do about it? And what's at stake -- what is lost or suffered if he fails, what is won or gainedRead more
As noted, the logline is short on specifics.
The inciting incident needs to be more specific. That is, what is there about the tweets that commands the attention and concern?
And what specifically must he do about it?
And what’s at stake — what is lost or suffered if he fails, what is won or gained if he succeeds?
See lessTrapped in a high rise residential building a group of neighbors must learn to work together to escape their culprit.
Agreed with SouthWestSusie. What is the big obstacles for them to overcome? Also, there have been many 'trapped in a building with a crazy guy' movies and shows to date, what makes this standout and different to the others?
Agreed with SouthWestSusie.
What is the big obstacles for them to overcome?
See lessAlso, there have been many ‘trapped in a building with a crazy guy’ movies and shows to date, what makes this standout and different to the others?