1. Posted: February 2, 2017In:

    After her employers die in a city wide pandemic an Upper West Side nanny must navigate the violent streets to save their young son and put him on the last boat to safety.

    Best Answer
    JM Logliner

    Hi hannibalchew. I agree with those above that mention the fact that saving a boy who's not her son is not much of a convincing motivation. In my opinion, her goal should be to save her son after she witnesses what happens to her employers' son. As a matter of fact, the inciting incident may well beRead more

    Hi hannibalchew. I agree with those above that mention the fact that saving a boy who’s not her son is not much of a convincing motivation. In my opinion, her goal should be to save her son after she witnesses what happens to her employers’ son. As a matter of fact, the inciting incident may well be this particular situation, a fact that sets her plan on. Moreover, maybe this virus only afects small children, so you add up some suspense to the fact that she isn’t quite sure that her boy is completely safe until she saves him. In other words, it’s a nanny dealing with infected zombified children. I like the fact that this sounds like a non-stop zombie action flick, kind of a straightforward classic video game. Cheers.

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  2. Posted: January 24, 2017In:

    When Napoleon’s guns blasts the face of Sphinx of Giza, its resident demon begins journeying and taking revenge on his troops and him in his lonely Island prison

    recluse Logliner

    Napoleon cannot stop the demon - it takes its final revenge at his island prison

    Napoleon cannot stop the demon – it takes its final revenge at his island prison

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  3. Posted: February 1, 2017In:

    “There are three sides to every story. Angelica kidnapped Gunnar? Joe is helping his best friend Tiffany look for her fianc?? And the truth is what really happened.” – VIOLATE by Judah Ray ?

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    A main character with a split personality is not a new concept, most readers will understand the premise so best use that fact. It sounds like the hook, in this case, is the split personality why not put it front and center - you're not giving away the ending just being clear on the premise. UltimatRead more

    A main character with a split personality is not a new concept, most readers will understand the premise so best use that fact. It sounds like the hook, in this case, is the split personality why not put it front and center – you’re not giving away the ending just being clear on the premise. Ultimately the goal is to find the kidnapped fiance, Joe will help find him and along the way discover that Angelica is the kidnapper. We, the audience, will either discover Angelica’s true identity with Joe or at the end (like in Fight Club). I tend to think that the ‘surprise’ ending would be cliche, now day and age, and the story would be better off exploring the reality of living with split personalities instead of using them as a supposed ‘twist’ – most audiences will get it long before it’s revealed.

    Aside from that the structure of the logline needs to emulate the story, i.e start with an inciting incident, describe a main character and then his or her goal. Right now the reader is left to assume that Gunner is the missing fiance, and wonder what Joe’s motivation for involvement really is.

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