1. Posted: February 4, 2017In:

    After his son confesses a murder to him, an obsessively upright police officer on the brink of a once in a lifetime promotion must use all his power and skills to destroy all evidence before the truth is uncovered.

    Cesar Augusto Penpusher

    I think it could be better if in the logline you raise the question if the father will or not commit a crime to save his son instead of just give us the answer.

    I think it could be better if in the logline you raise the question if the father will or not commit a crime to save his son instead of just give us the answer.

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  2. Posted: February 4, 2017In:

    Granted one week to hunt down the true assassin, a lovesick hitman must execute his fiance on day seven when she unwittingly poisons his boss, the kingpin of crime.

    Knightrider Mentor

    You could go "The Departed" or "Mr and Mrs Smith" that they are hired to kill each other or they work for the opposition and are hunting the person who killed the mob boss, but also have a mundane marriage.Maybe throw in a moral dilemma, as right now, i think people will assume doesn't kill bis fianRead more

    You could go “The Departed” or “Mr and Mrs Smith” that they are hired to kill each other or they work for the opposition and are hunting the person who killed the mob boss, but also have a mundane marriage.

    Maybe throw in a moral dilemma, as right now, i think people will assume doesn’t kill bis fianc?. Maybe this is a fight for a son’s love between the new woman on the block and the mother. So, the Mother is the Mob Boss, her son her protector, but he falls for a Cop or Rival gang assassin who is the one he is unknowingly protecting her from.

    When he finds out who is trying to kill his mother and who his mother wants him to kill in order to end it, well up to you where you go. It could work as a Dark Comedy if you wanted. Anyways point being, I just need a reason to think he would kill his lover if he is love sick.

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  3. Posted: January 22, 2017In:

    On the outskirts of a small town, a bewildered woman is pushed to the breaking point when she escapes her overbearing husband by luring him into the woods. Short Story, 6pg.

    Richiev Singularity

    I don't think you need, "Pushed to the breaking point" if you have set it up correct we will know that without you telling us. Even though it is a short I would still add a goal for the woman now that she is in the woods. (Unless the story is about her getting to the woods)

    I don’t think you need, “Pushed to the breaking point” if you have set it up correct we will know that without you telling us.

    Even though it is a short I would still add a goal for the woman now that she is in the woods. (Unless the story is about her getting to the woods)

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