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A self absorbed movie director is forced to take the investigation is his own hands after becoming murder suspect when all of the leading actresses from his previous movies are getting killed within a week after each movie’ premiere
Agreed with Richiev the order of the descriptions should match the order of the events in the plot - inciting incident first goal last. I'll add that it's a bit hard to believe he can solve the murders himself with no prior experience, perhaps then make him a crime thriller director. Directing a criRead more
Agreed with Richiev the order of the descriptions should match the order of the events in the plot – inciting incident first goal last. I’ll add that it’s a bit hard to believe he can solve the murders himself with no prior experience, perhaps then make him a crime thriller director. Directing a crime thriller is no qualification but can at least hint that he did some research and learned about the world he’s about to dive head first into. This could also indicate that he will rely on tropes and cliches? which could result in some funny or awkward moments for him.
See lessCIUDAD DE LOS ANGELES OSCUROS (CITY OF DARK ANGELS) When a peace loving man?s loved ones are murdered by a marauding gang of vampires he is forced to control the bloodlust tasted by the secret uncontrollable demon he unleashes to exact revenge
I like your revision Richiev. I think I need to add a "ticking time bomb element" if possible to this logline. When his loved ones are murdered by a pack of vampires, a pacifist is granted one night to unleash the demon hidden inside him, turning the hunters into the hunted.?
I like your revision Richiev.
I think I need to add a “ticking time bomb element” if possible to this logline.
When his loved ones are murdered by a pack of vampires, a pacifist is granted one night to unleash the demon hidden inside him, turning the hunters into the hunted.?
See lessBERSERKER When a pack of vampires rampaging through Los Angeles murder his loved ones, a pacifist has one night to unleash his inner demon turning the hunters into the hunted
"When a pack of vampires rampaging through Los Angeles murder his loved ones, a pacifist has one night to unleash his inner demon turning the hunters into the hunted" The inciting incident is worded a bit awkwardly. I think the idea is interesting of a pacifist, having to go outside of his comfort zRead more
“When a pack of vampires rampaging through Los Angeles murder his loved ones, a pacifist has one night to unleash his inner demon turning the hunters into the hunted”
The inciting incident is worded a bit awkwardly. I think the idea is interesting of a pacifist, having to go outside of his comfort zone to fight. But that raises the question: How? How does one man, who doesn’t even like fighting, take on vampires, supernatural beings? Beings which are stronger, faster than humans, and can suck his blood out? Rather than the vague description of “turning the hunters into the hunted” tell us how this happens. Is he a vampire? A werewolf? What gives him the ability to face vampires at night, when they have their power? Describe this inner demon.
Example:?When his family is killed by rampaging vampires, a pacifist must use his magic power to destroy them and save the city. (22)
See lessI just have one last question. What’s the hook of this story? What distinguishes it from other vampire stories? So far the only thing that has the potential to stick out is whatever power the protagonist holds. Saying that, if he’s just another vampire fighting more vampires then it’s basically just a rehash of “Blade” and other stories.