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To avenge his mentor?s murder, a former assassin realizes he?s the hunted, setup to achieve their end he must fight his own disenchantment to destroy them before they destroy a founding principle of the country.
I actually think this is actually a step back from the edit Foxtrot25 made to your earlier draft:?To avenge his mentor?s murder, a former assassin must take down the shadow government he used to work for before they destroy the integrity of the country. My attempt: While avenging his mentor's murderRead more
I actually think this is actually a step back from the edit Foxtrot25 made to your earlier draft:?To avenge his mentor?s murder, a former assassin must take down the shadow government he used to work for before they destroy the integrity of the country.
My attempt:
See lessWhile avenging his mentor’s murder, a disenchanted?assassin becomes a pawn in a scheme to corrupt the government and must take down those responsible to save his country and clear his name.
Though, I am not sure exactly what a ‘disenchanted assassin’ is exactly?
To avenge his mentor?s murder, an assassin who turned his back on the intelligence world returns, discovers he?s no longer the hunter, but the hunted and has to stop them before they destroy the core principles of the countries founders.
A solid improvement over your first draft. And Foxtrot25s redraft is a further improvement. Though,?I am having difficulty seeing how solving the government problem relates to avenging his mentor's murder? Was his mentor involved in preserving the integrity of the country?
A solid improvement over your first draft. And Foxtrot25s redraft is a further improvement. Though,?I am having difficulty seeing how solving the government problem relates to avenging his mentor’s murder? Was his mentor involved in preserving the integrity of the country?
See lessAfter his mentor?s murder, a killer, an assassin in an attempt to find a reason to live, returns to the covert world he left to find the killer, but realizes he?s no longer the hunter, but the hunted.
To avenge his mentor?s murder, an assassin is drawn back into the world he had abandoned, but realizes he?s no longer the hunter, but the hunted. Seems a little cleaner.
To avenge his mentor?s murder, an assassin is drawn back into the world he had abandoned, but realizes he?s no longer the hunter, but the hunted.
Seems a little cleaner.
See less