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Rework: When a witness and two cops are killed, a divorced Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy fraud and track two murderers to capture the mastermind. Not sure of genre… Suggestions?
"When a witness and two cops are killed, a divorced Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy fraud and track two murderers to capture the mastermind. " The first thing I can think of is that the fact that he/she is divorced has nothing to do with plot, and is of no importance to the logline. RepRead more
“When a witness and two cops are killed, a divorced Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy fraud and track two murderers to capture the mastermind. ”
The first thing I can think of is that the fact that he/she is divorced has nothing to do with plot, and is of no importance to the logline. Replace it with an adjective that describes the character’s personality, especially if it is a character flaw which creates an obstacle for the character. The second thing is that the logline presents two goals: solving the fraud and finding the mastermind. Even if the fraud leads to finding the mastermind, the overall goal is the capture so focus on that for the logline.
Also, I think you need to tie in the mastermind more to the logline. What exactly has he/she orchestrated? How is the murder of a witness and two cops playing into this person’s grand plan?
Example:?When a witness and two cops are killed, an impulsive homicide detective must track two contract killers to find the mastermind. (21)
My example just includes the first two suggestions but I would need more information in order to make a better one.
See lessI hope this helps.
Rework: When a witness in custody and two cops are killed, the Homicide Detective must solve a piracy case to catch the killer and the mastermind. Thriller? Crime? Drama? Sci-Fi? Not sure…
This is mostly unclear. What is the relation between a piracy case and the triple murder? There is no logic connecting these elements directly. Furthermore, if he or she is a detective he or she are just doing their job, what makes it unique or interesting? Where is the hook?
This is mostly unclear. What is the relation between a piracy case and the triple murder? There is no logic connecting these elements directly. Furthermore, if he or she is a detective he or she are just doing their job, what makes it unique or interesting? Where is the hook?
See lessDue to imminent war conflict between magisterial government and local guerilla party, local man joins rebels on life-risking mission for exchange of safe passage for him and his pregnant wife out of the quarantined town.
Reorder the descriptions and make it so he has to fight the military that is directly threatening his wife instead of it being an agreement he has with the guerilla fighters. This way his fight has very high stakes for him, it's not a matter of keeping his end of a bargain up rather he directly hasRead more
Reorder the descriptions and make it so he has to fight the military that is directly threatening his wife instead of it being an agreement he has with the guerilla fighters. This way his fight has very high stakes for him, it’s not a matter of keeping his end of a bargain up rather he directly has to protect the wife:
After war breaks out a farmer must help the guerilla fighters against the government to prevent an attack on his pregnant wife in their home.
But as DPG pointed out, where is this happening?
See less