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1960 (USA) Two criminals parked roadside, one black, one white, they wait for money to be picked up, but a battle of wits breaks out resulting in one being shot and the money disappearing.
I like the premise of your story - I also think your argument/theme posed about justified 'badness' and maybe levels of badness (I'm a thief but at least I'm not a murderer, I'm a murderer but at least I'm not a paedophile etc.) is a great way to generate debate and engage the audience. I can totallRead more
I like the premise of your story – I also think your argument/theme posed about justified ‘badness’ and maybe levels of badness (I’m a thief but at least I’m not a murderer, I’m a murderer but at least I’m not a paedophile etc.) is a great way to generate debate and engage the audience.
I can totally see this playing out in some remote place, maybe with a derelict gas station in the background… something really raw and almost claustrophobic about it (the way Phone Booth did).
However, as yqwertz pointed out, your logline reads as a summary of a part of your script rather than as the central conflict of the entire thing. ?And, whilst we don’t have to ‘care’ about them personally, in this kind of story it may be advantageous to include some emotional hook to stop people dismissing it too easily.
Regards
See lessTrix
A basketball star jeopardizes his championship hopes as he struggles with his drug-addicted mother and searches for his biological father.
Thank you, Ty! Simple, but clear. I should try to remember that as I write loglines for my other screenplays. Lol!
Thank you, Ty! Simple, but clear. I should try to remember that as I write loglines for my other screenplays. Lol!
See lessFaith and basketball inspire an abandoned boy to set three improbable goals both on and off the hardwood with surprising results.
Hi Carllord - INTENTION: three improbable goals -- but why? what are the goals? OBSTACLE: they are improbable goals. We need something stronger here. This is a quick shot at it using the original logline: After a near-death experience, a boy with dreams of basketball stardom, sets out to accomplishRead more
Hi Carllord –
INTENTION: three improbable goals — but why? what are the goals?
OBSTACLE: they are improbable goals. We need something stronger here.
This is a quick shot at it using the original logline:
After a near-death experience, a boy with dreams of basketball stardom, sets out to accomplish three impossible goals.
Hmm – we’re basically missing a really strong obstacle standing in his way.
And an inciting incident (I used a near-death experience to inspire his faith.)
We really need to know the goals.
Admittedly, we probably don’t need “a boy with dreams of basketball stardom”. Aspiring basketball player would probably suffice.
DPG is right. We don’t need “with surprising results”. The reader will fill it in.
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