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  1. Posted: March 20, 2020In: Drama

    A 19-year-old must bomb an LGBT community centre to re-enter her familial cult and free the secretly gay younger sister she failed to escape with one year earlier.

    thedarkhorse Samurai
    Added an answer on March 20, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    Hmm - reading your ideas... My only one myself - and feel free to reject this and spit on it... I'd introduce the LGBT community centre as a mixed bag. But they're mostly good. Angelic. And the protagonist, we meet trying to figure out a way to get her sister back. And she's desperate and dirty andRead more

    Hmm – reading your ideas…

    My only one myself – and feel free to reject this and spit on it…

    I’d introduce the LGBT community centre as a mixed bag. But they’re mostly good. Angelic.

    And the protagonist, we meet trying to figure out a way to get her sister back. And she’s desperate and dirty and flawed. (Admittedly, my big worry with this is if anyone would follow a character who is desperately trying to bomb a LGBT centre which is why you’d probably have to explain straight away and make sure there’s a huge dose of empathy.)

    Hmm – you could even start it off with her moments away from planting a bomb and we go back in time to explain why…

    Anyways, by the midpoint, we learn why protagonist desperately wants to get sister back, and we learn she was also there (I can’t help but feel this discovery should come later on). It feels like a twist.

    By MP, we should learn there’s some bad apples in the LBGT cult. Like DPG said in his post. Make sure they can put up an argument for why they’re doing what they’re doing.

    You’d have some real conflict – if they actually had solid reasons for keeping the sister there.

    Perhaps the older sister has history of violence? Or escaped a mental institute or something. (These are pretty awful ideas, but, whatever gets the ball rolling.)

    I’m gonna quote Aaron Sorkin about that conflict thing…

    “Conflict isn?t just knuckle-boxing. Conflict can be a war of IDEAS. And you want the competing ideas to be equally strong.”

    I got that quote from here…

    I took Aaron Sorkin's Masterclass – here's my cliff's notes
    by inScreenwriting

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  2. Posted: March 20, 2020In: Drama

    A faith-driven basketball star must prove his true identity or miss the playoffs when he discovers his godless mother abducted and raised him under an alias.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 20, 2020 at 9:32 pm

    Under either scenario, I have no problem understanding why he would want to find his father.But what I don't understand is why he must find him NOW?? Why can't he wait a few weeks until after the playoffs -- the March madness period -- is over with?? The dramatic dilemma feels contrived.

    Under either scenario, I have no problem understanding why he would want to find his father.

    But what I don’t understand is why he must find him NOW?? Why can’t he wait a few weeks until after the playoffs — the March madness period — is over with?? The dramatic dilemma feels contrived.

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  3. Posted: March 20, 2020In: Drama

    A college basketball star, abducted and raised under an alias by his addicted mother must jeopardize his shot at the championship when he sets out to find his long-lost dad.

    yqwertz Mentor
    Added an answer on March 20, 2020 at 8:13 pm

    In your previous logline I commented that the main characters were not driving the story. This logline proves my point as you have the same story but different characters. Again, how does he know he was abducted? If his mother has been arrested, the police know who the father is. If his mother simplRead more

    In your previous logline I commented that the main characters were not driving the story. This logline proves my point as you have the same story but different characters.

    Again, how does he know he was abducted? If his mother has been arrested, the police know who the father is. If his mother simply told him that without proof, then how does he know her confession was not a drug induced hallucination? Either way, the basketball game seems to be a subplot that may not merit mention in the logline.

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